Merry Merry Quite Contrary how does the story go?

THE FOLLIES OF A MEREDITH IN OKC


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HOLY HUMIDITY, BATMAN

it’s official, ladies and gentlemen, oklahoma summer is here.

 

truly, seriously, really here.  in a big, humid, bad way.

 

things i like about summer:

1) chillin at the swimming pool.  it’s the 3rd reason why i can’t really hate paying my HOA dues (the 1st is that they’d put a lien on my condo if i didn’t, and the 2nd is that they’re fixing my windows…guess they aren’t toooootally evil, just a pain in my ass).  and today i finally got to sit at the pool and kick it with my mom.  tomorrow, i completely plan to vegetate poolside with a mojito and some killer tunes.  added bonus, mostly old people live in my condo complex so it’s rarely crowded.

 

2) lots of fun outdoorsy events going on around the city.  like the paseo arts festival, which was going on this weekend.  the festival where my cousin once removed (i think that’s how you say it…it’s my cousin’s cousin) jammed the afternoon away.  his jazz band took the southern stage, and impressed the heck out of me.

they played a jazzy version of 'no diggity'...how can you not have an awesome time listening to that?!

 

3)  the parks are all pretty and sunshiny, and perfect for family portraits.  which, speaking of family portraits, i shot my first one saturday.  my awesomely photogenic friends the Rs volunteered to be my guinea pigs.  and, i think i did a pretty durn good job, if i do say so myself.  here’s one of my favoritest of the  family shots

aren't they just the cutest?

yep.  i even tried a little bit of post production myself.  it’s totally not as fantastic as KK’s because, well, i have no idea what i’m doing and i also lack the latest and greatest photoshop.  i like the way it turned out, hopefully they did too.

 

4) lemonade.  oh, refreshing lemonade.  we picked up a glass of freshly made lemonade on the trek back to the car from the paseo arts festival…and it was downright delightful.  the perfect combo of sweet and tart…and the fact that it was ice-cold didn’t hurt.  i have decided to drink more lemonade this summer. 

perfect for a sunny summer day

 

 

unfortunately, it’s not all lemonade, kick-ass photo sessions, festivals, and pool time.  no, dear friends, it isn’t always perfect.

 

mostly, it’s sweaty.

 

it is so freakin sweaty.  and hot.  and humid. 

 

today, while enjoying the musical styling of wunderjazz, i literally had a bead of sweat go from the nape of my neck down to my butt.  ew ew ew.  that is not cool.  especially when i was looking summery and breezy.  but looking summery and breezy does not protect me from the blazing sun nor from the swampy humidity.  within 4 min of leaving my car (the jeep, beep beep), i was already sporting a nice sheen of sweat.  4 freakin minutes!  and within 10, i was sporting my first sunburn of the summer (dammit!  i shoulda brought some sunscreen or something!!)

 

the worst part, is once i finally get into the blessed sanctuary of air-conditioning, the sheen (ok, who am i kidding, after 2 hours outside i was sweating like a pig) turns into a nice sticky film. 

then i go outside again and the cycle repeats itself.

 

i had to take 2 cool showers today.

 

nice to see you again, summer…


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CURIOUSER AND CURIOUSER…

said meredith.

 

man, this has been one bizarre week.  i really don’t know how to make heads or tails of it.  i feel like once i get a clear understanding of something, it just flip-flops back into the realm of uncertainty.  i personally believe that it’s the cosmos laughing at my expense.

 

i picture a giant being (preferably wearing a seafoam green silk turban.  don’t know why, but that’d be cool), holding a crystal ball that contains a smokey vision of me & my life saying:

“silly meredith, you think that you can get everything all fixed up the way you want it to be?  well, just try to make something happen when i do thiiiissssss…..”

and then whips the crystal ball into a crazy spin.

well well well, we can't have meredith thinking life is too easy...

 

yep.  that’s exactly how i feel.

 

good thing i have my camera, KK’s fish eye lens, and a very patient mr bix to take pics of. 

 

woooah!!

 

otherwise, i plan on running away to join the circus.  can you still do that?  maybe i could be a lion tamer.  or a high flyin trapeze artist.  oh! i know!  i’d be a tightrope walker!  heck, the cosmos and their sense of humor have already given me plenty of practice there!!

i want a really cool outfit...with lots of spangles!


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OH, HISTORY…

why must you repeat yourself?  again and again and again?

dude, i read the book. i actually did quite well in history class thankyouverrymuch

i mean, i don’t really blame you for trying on the grand scale.  us humans do some pretty fucked up shit.  i’m talking more about personal realm. 

 

why do you feel it necessary to make the same thing happen to me?  repeatedly?

 

i pay attention.  i really do.  even if i might not seem to be.  i’m very observant and remember things.  surprisingly even the first time around.  like my first official history class, you know, the one that wasn’t lumped into the whole day and was taught by someone other than our homeroom teacher.  it was 5th grade, mr tibbets.  he was eccentric, had a really long beard, kinda looked like a younger zz top.  he was fantastic and his classroom had a crap ton of maps.  see?  i remember…bet you didn’t, dear history.

 

so, i’ll make a deal with you.  i’ll be more actively attentive, let you know that i noticed the memo.  if you’ll stop handing me the same shit over and over again.  deal?

 

because, i got the fucking memo.  and so far it sucks.  so let’s learn a newer, happier lesson…shall we? 

well, not this specific memo. it's in another language. but the memo pad is cool


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A DAY WITH THELMA

which is my camera, by the way.  what?  did you really think i wouldn’t name my new best friend?  naming inanimate objects is my #17 favorite thing to do. 

  

plus it’s funny…we named KK’s camera Louise.  so when we shoot weddings together, its thelma and louise.  get it? 

yep, i'm gina davis...check out those super awesome high-rise jeans! oh! does that mean i get to steam up the sheets with a young brad pitt?!

but we didn’t stop there.  we’ve named all of the lenses too.

the 25-104mm zoom is ‘the duchess’.  it’s my favorite & i think she’s royalty.  the 50mm is ‘boo’, it’s KK’s favorite.  then there’s the big crazy zoom which is ‘lady gaga’…for papparazzi.  there are a few more, but you get the point….i’m a nerd who likes to name things.

  

  

back to the point.

 

yesterday was my 1st time to use the new camera for a wedding.  having my own camera & flash makes it 20 times easier, believe you me.  i think i got a few awesome images.  heck, i hope i did.  i shot like 1400 pics!  

 

the wedding itself was awesome.  it was a smaller, more intimate ceremony in downtown historical guthrie.  the bride looked beautiful, the groom dashing, and you could just tell how happy and in love they were.  the family & friends were all excited to be there & support the couple.  the decor was simple elegance.  oh!  and the groom was from germany, so there were several fun german traditions…like the couple had to saw a log in half & at the end they were dressed in a bonnet with a baby doll (for the bride) and a night cap with a pipe (the groom) while the guest serenaded them.

 

last night, as i fell asleep, i realized just how much i really enjoy working with KK and being her 2nd photographer.  especially at great weddings like yesterday’s.  here’s why:

1)  you get to be apart of something special.  through the lens of my camera, i get to document a day that is filled with hope, happiness, excitement, a little bit of nerves, and, most importantly, love.  love between the couple, love between the families, love between the friends.  being apart of that pushes the practical-and-somewhat-jaded-about-love meredith aside and lets the hopeless  romantic meredith come center stage.  granted, i have yet to shoot an awkward wedding where people don’t get along & whatnot.  and i hope those are few & far between.

2)  i love the feeling i get when i know i captured an amazing picture.  my favorites are the ones where people don’t know that i’m photographing them.  i’m like a freakin photo ninja up in the reception.  and when i get the shot, i can’t help but do a mental cheer and pat myself on the back.

heck yeah! i freakin made that picture my bitch! only i don't look quite so scary as this dude.

3)  it’s fun to admire/critique the decorations, bridesmaid dresses, wedding dresses, guests outfits, etc.  the ones i’ve been to have been fabulocity, but i’m sure i’ll get to see some train wrecks in the future.  to be fair, i mostly admire.  the critiquing is a little shallow of me, but hey…it’s all a matter of personal taste.  and as long as the bride & groom are happy, that’s all that matters.  still, it’s fun.

are you in, or are you out?

 

 

the only downfall is that i have an 8lb camera attached to my face for like 10 hours.  after hour 2, that bitch gets heavy.  my back, shoulders, and right arm are seriously in pain.  i would bribe someone with a million dollars to rub my shoulders.  and not the polite, gentle shoulder rub.  i’m talking the brutal, dig with your elbow style.  seriously, a million dollars.  ok…so not seriously.  i don’t have that kind of cash.  more like, i’ll give you a winning smile and several high fives.  c’mon!  that’s a deal if i’ve ever heard of one!!!

ouchie!!

the other kind of weird thing is that after looking through a lens that alters the depth of what you’re shooting for so long, when i’m done it makes my vision all warped feeling.  my depth perception is already kind of lame.  so when i’ve been rockin the 85mm lens (butter) for 3 hours straight, normal vision just seems so wrong.  like something isn’t quite right.

maybe not as dramatic, but i liked this crazy pants wallpaper so i'm throwing it in there.

 

all in all, thelma is the jam.  wedding photography is the jam, although way more difficult than most people would think.  and i can’t wait to go view my images with KK tonight…hopefully the are the jam too.


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FUN WITH PHOTOGRAPHY

so i thought i’d take a break from complaining about all of the freakish bad luck i’ve ran into lately & dazzle everyone with my artistic shots of random shit around my house.  it’s not literal shit (ew, i’m messy but i am not disgusting.  i do clean my house).  it’s more like pictures of every single knickknacks i have.  and a billion and one pics of mr bix (dang, that puppenstein is so CUTE i can’t stand it!) 

i’ve been experimenting with bouncing my flash & getting the hang of what my camera can actually do.  which is a freakin ton.  i haven’t even begun to try out the video on this beast! oh yeah, it takes HD video…the intro to SNL was shot with it btw. 

so here are a few of my favorite ones.  cue up the Sound of Music soundtrack (raindrops on roses and blah bi di blah blah).  hmmm…that doesn’t really fit.  how about one of the 5 mixes i’ve made this week…hmm…i’m thinking Best Coast’s “when i’m with you”, Vampire Weekend’s “contra”, Lissie Trullie’s “ready for the floor” and The XX’s “islands”.  yep, muuuuch better.  

so here they are.  keep in mind that 1) they are straight off the camera, no editing or fancy work done and 2) i am an amateur just playing around 

the most fantastic necklace ever

 

my bedside table stuff

 

some of my props from last halloween's costume that i've tucked into a vase. hey, i spent a lot of time making them & they're still pretty

 

experimenting with light and shadows

and of course, gotta have a few of the mr bix, my handsome man. 

look at that face! he is such a super model

 

 

  

and this is where he gets tired of me taking his picture & tries to hide. but i'm sneaky...i'm like a ninja photographer

and i’m so looking forward to this weekend.  i get to shoot a wedding with KK, the first with my new camera.  yippee!!!!  wish me luck!


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IS THE WEEKEND FROM HELL OVER YET?!?!

oh mylanta, i hope it is.  because i am seriously at my breaking point.

 

let me recap…

thursday:

my replacement phone (you know, the one i ordered april 7th) has been lost in the mail.  apparently it was not only being built from scratch, but it was shipped via pony express.  i guess when they were changing horses, it got left in a random saddlebag.

shitty meter- 3

not really that bad.  just a minor inconvenience and annoyance.

 

friday:

car wreck in the intersection.  car wreck smashing into me.  super fun stuff. 

shitty meter- 8.5

it’s not a full-fledged 10.  no one was hurt (thank the powers that be) and my car is most likely repairable.  guess i’ll find out later this week.  i’d say more, but hell…you can read…and i posted this tale already.

 

saturday:

insurance fest & trying to contact the repair shop to have them tow kenny & assess the damage.  repair shop never answers.  greeeeeaaaattttt.  oh, and i’m stuck without a car b/c my dad was still in KC so i couldn’t get the keys to the extra car until 8pm.

shitty meter: 5.75

insurance recognized that i had been sitting at a stoplight like a good girl & was in no way responsible, so score one for me.  repair shop is a pain, but i’ll get it on monday.  the hardest thing was being stuck without a car.  normally, i enjoy a lazy saturday of reading in bed & catching up on my dvr-ed shows.  but knowing that i can’t leave?  ugh.  it had me pacing the house like a caged lion.  it was counter-balanced by having lunch with my brother, which was awesome.  although i did feel pretty lame having to call my younger brother to pick me up and take me to lunch because i have no car and zero edible food at the condo (mental note…go to grocery store).  oh, and i got to hang out with Lil M, which is always a delight.

 

sunday:

started off delightfully.  brunch with KK, CohCoh, and Gordy.  followed by watching Curb Your Enthusiasm, which was my 1st time watching it.  which i can’t believe because that show kicks so much ass.

 

and here i will begin a new tale.  it’s called “mother nature teams up with ‘010”

 

look at that shit? are you kidding me?! oh, and i stole this pic from Lil M...i'm sneaky like that

another line of storms rocked the OKC metro.  this time, with hail.  i’m talking mass quantities of hail.  nickel, dime, quarter, golf ball sized hail.  i was at gordy’s when it started.  and it was bananas.  absolute bananas.  luckily, my borrowed jeep didn’t receive any hail damage (whew, i woulda felt awful if it did).  the hipster western area had it’s fair share of hail, but the real damage was a little further north…right smack where i live.

 

i came home, and my condo complex looks totally trashed.  leaves, tree limbs, shattered windows galore.

 

i walk into my little courtyard and notice that my skylight from my upstairs bathroom is now mostly on the ground.  well, can’t really blame that.  i mean, it is on the roof.  there was a crap ton of hail plummeting from the sky.  1+1=2.  i go upstairs, pick up the plexiglass & shrug to myself.  someone has politely put a tarp over the exposed roof (thanks HOA, guess you are helpful after all).

poor skylight...it never had a chance.

later, i ventured out to my mom’s to retrieve some of the things i salvaged from kenny.  driving past my door, i noticed a black tarp covering the window in my guest room. 

pump your breaks…did that window break too?!?!

you bet your favorite pair of jeans it did.

screw it, i’m going to mom’s for a sec.  and i did.  but i did have to return and see what new twisted twist of fate happened.  kids, it was bad.  glass everywhere.  even the screens were shredded.  it took me an hour to clean up all of the glass.  at this point, i don’t know whether to laugh hysterically till the men in white coats come to take me away or if i can just sit down and cry.  big salty tears.

really?! really?!

at the end of the weekend, all i have to show for it is the absence of my replacement phone, a fucked up car, a broken skylight, and a shredded window.  tomorrow i’ll have to figure out if i’m supposed to replace the windows or if my HOA does.  which will be bucket loads of fun, trust.

a bag full of broken glass, AKA my spirit. thanks '010, you're a real gem

 

ack.  enough, meredith.  it’s only stuff.  and stuff can be fixed or replaced.  i’m not hurt, my family & friends aren’t hurt, and mr bix is safe & sound.  it’s only stuff.  and i can fix that…right?  you bet your best pair of shoes i can!  so tonight, i may cry a little bit out of pure frustration.  but i am officially calling this weekend over. 

 

and you know what that means?

 

that a brand spankin new week is about to start.  and I will win this new week.  i will, i will, i will. 


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‘O1O STRIKES AGAIN

stupid ‘010.  just as soon as things start to really get good for me, that salty bitch of a year has to take a swipe and knock me back on my ass.

how '010 would look if it were a cartoon. pretty darn evil if you ask me.

so here’s the story.

i was on my way to go celebrate the lovely ax’s bday.  i stopped at the red light, because that’s what you do when you obey traffic laws like i do, minding my own damn business.  yep, juuuuuust sitting there.  i wasn’t texting or messing with my ipod or anything.  just bein a good driver.

 

i look up, and i see two cars coming.  one going northbound & one going westbound.  “oh crap!” i think to myself, “they’re going to hit each other.” 

 

and they do.  in that awful sound of crunching cars manner. 

 

i’m watching in shock/horror and i see that the big black SUV isn’t stopping.  or going westbound anymore. 

where is he going?  meredithbound.

shit, i’m going to get hit.  and i can’t reverse because there is a line of cars behind me.

oh mylanta! that car is coming straight for me!!!

and with a quickness, it did.

he clipped the front end of my car (which was at a full stop, by the by…did i mention that?  that i was JUST SITTING THERE AT A STOPLIGHT?!?!) and shoved my car into the curb.

 

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.  not again.

we all pile out.  no one is hurt, thank the powers that be.  the cops are called, and everyone starts trying to figure out whose fault it was,  it wasn’t mine.  that’s for damn sure.  so i just sat back & let the other guys duke it out.

 

at this point, i wasn’t too worried about me.  my front bumper had taken a beating, but it looked purely cosmetic.  i had hit my head & was jarred by the impact, but it didn’t feel like anything to be worried about.  i was just going to be sore the next day.

 

then came the fun part.  when i finally got to move my car & head on over to the bday, have a few cocktails, and share my story with the girls.  i get behind the wheel, put kenny (my car) into reverse, and start to back up.

grind, screech, kerplunk.  grind, screech, kerplunk.

uh oh.  that’s not good.  something is seriously seriously wrong with my wheel.  or maybe it’s the flux capacitor.  heck, i dunno…auto-mechanics aren’t my strong suit.

 

i look to the cop directing me and say “umm…i think there’s something really wrong with my front passenger wheel.  should i keep moving or do you think i’m going to cause more damage?”  the ever-so-helpful cop replies, “hon, i’m not a mechanic.”  gee mister, neither am i.  thanks for the helpful opinion. 

no no no no! this is NOT HAPPENING!

call my ass a tow truck, kenny got killed AGAIN.  poor kenny, this is his 4th wreck.  and only one of them was my fault!  this was not the one!  i was SITTING AT A STOPLIGHT!!!!!!!!!

 

today, how awesome has it been?  oh, you bet your best purse it’s been awesome.

i’m car-less, dealing with insurance, and feeling very nervous about any driving, even when i’m just a passenger.  i’ve already freaked out twice when i was riding with my mom & later with KK.  my neck & back are killing me.  at first they weren’t too bad, but as i keep moving they hurt more.  and i’ve taken the limit for advil. 

 

the car-less part is the worst.  you can’t just walk around or hop on a bus/taxi/subway here in okc.  nope.  public transportation is not our strength here in oklahoma.  i feel stranded, claustrophobic, and helpless.  i’m having flashbacks of what it’s like to be 15 again & at the mercy of friends & family.   

hey guys! wanna hang out??? pick me up??? take me back home???

argh!  i hate this feeling!  luckily, my dad has an extra car i can borrow.  if only he wasn’t in KC right now…

 

but seriously, anyone want to hang out?  wanna pick me up??  take me home when we’re done hanging out???  i’m dying of boredom here!