lemme take you on a little road trip down memory lane. the year was 1991. C + C Music Factory was constantly blasting on KJ103, Full House was teaching us lots of life lessons, and, thanks to the movie Hook, i had a huge crush on a character with a red tri-hawk…bangarang Rufio!
i was about 8 yrs old & had my first optometrist appointment. i was sitting in the chair with that crazy eye measuring contraption, staring at the letters on the board and willing my eyes to need glasses.
i even lied. just a little. not too much, i just said “two” when i should’ve said “one”. i mean, i really Really REALLY wanted glasses. only problem was, my eye doctor is kinda related to me. he called me on my eye bluff. “well, meredith, there were a few inconsistencies, but the good news is your vision is perfect. you don’t need glasses.”
foiled! while most people would be rejoicing, my little 8 yr old heart was heavy. no glasses. none for me. curse these perfect 20/20 hazel eyes! i passed by the display cases of glasses, longingly picked up a pair & tried them on. “are you sure? like really sure?” i asked hopefully. “yep, i’m sure. you’re eyes look great.”
see, i have a love for glasses. they transform you. depending on the frames, you can be “smart and studious”, or “artistic and quirky”, or “sophisticated and mysterious”. it’s like a costume for your eyes. they are the most brilliant of accessories. and that really speaks to my theatrical side.
*side note: at this time, i also really wanted braces. not as much as i wanted glasses, but a close 2nd. yes, 8 yr old meredith wanted to be a uber dork.
yeah. def didn’t need all that. i was…ok, still am…spazzy enough on my own without the help of vision and orthodontic correction.
ok, back to the future. ish. last week i tried on Monkey’s glasses and i. fell. in. love. dear baby jesus, i needed these magical glasses. my life would be more complete with a pair o them on my face. greens would be greener, i would be instantly more organized, i would know calculus AND how to apply it in real life, and my cooking skills would vastly improve if i had these glasses.
i called up the eye doctor and made an appointment the next day. and this time, i think i actually had a shot of needing glasses. i ain’t as young as i used to be…i stare at computers all day long…and i read every night for at least an hour. all of that surely is a recipe for poor eye sight that can only be cured by a pair of rocktastic glasses, right?!?
3 days later, it was the day. the day for checking of vision.
i sat in the chair, i did the “which one looks better, one or two? two or three?” had some lights shined in my eye (it is freaky when i can see the capillaries in my retina) and had numbing eye drops so they could check my eye pressure (yeah, totes not a fan of that feeling.) finally, the tests were over, and i asked the tentative “soooooo, do i get to have glasses?”
yep…i sure do get to have glasses! huzzah! i finally got to go to the magical wall of glasses and pick out a pair of my very own!
with a huge smile on my face, i sat in the chair and talked with the lady that fits the glasses. “so, what style would you like to get?” yeesh…where to start? i want a pair that is fun & quirky, classic & cool, edgy yet sophisticated. after trying on a few, i found a pair that i liked. but, see, i only really need them for reading & computer time. the pair we had picked out were nice, in a ‘i wear these everyday’ kinda way. but they weren’t quite right. then, i caught a glimpse of them. the glasses. my glasses. the ‘i know how to do smart kid stuff, but i’m still hip & cool…but not too cool that i think i’m a hipster’ glasses.
after 20 years of waiting for glasses…and a week for having them made…i officially have my dream glasses. they are the jam. and although i don’t really need to wear them all the time, i have a feeling that i will. for at least the first few weeks or so. ladies & gentlemen of the readership, here they are…
kiiiinda wish i had worn my hair down today for this epic moment…but, well, i hit the snooze button a few times & had to do the mad-dash-around-the-room get ready. however even with a pony tail, they are rad. i will name these glasses Penelope. Penny for short.
ok, ok, ok…you caught me. i haven’t been 100% to-the-facts with this. i actually got reading glasses 4 yrs ago. but they were not as cool as these ones are. and it makes the story a little less dramatic when i say “oh yeah, i got to pick out some ok glasses 4 years ago but i never wear them because my temple is really wide & i feel like they pinch my brain”. see? not nearly as good. the other version is better. so can ya give me brownie points for being honest but sorta forget this part so the story is better? cuz that’d be swell. you’re the best, a real gem.
either way, long version or short, i have glasses now. me & my 8 yr old self are finally bespectacled. and it is awesome, my friends. really awesome.