Merry Merry Quite Contrary how does the story go?

THE FOLLIES OF A MEREDITH IN OKC


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SHOPPING MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

so, if the title of this post didn’t already send a warning, here’s a more upfront one.

WARNING! DO NOT READ IF THE FOLLOWING TOPICS ANNOY YOU: retail therapy, the quest for the perfect dress, feeling fat and not so sassy, me bitching, consumerism

because that is what this post is aaaaaalllllllll about kiddos.  all a-freakin-bout.  if you do enjoy these topics, read on. 

 

i had a mission when i got off of work today.  a shopping mission.

what is that? a challenge? a shopping challenge? bring it.

i’ve been a little stressed lately (not negative nelly stressed, just a busy bee with a lot on my plate stressed) and am in need of a little retail therapy.  and i have a few weddings that i’m shooting with KK coming up soon.  add those two things together and i have a new mission: to find the perfect dress to wear for shooting weddings.  oooooooh, you know i love me a mission.

before the last wedding, i stood in my closet and hated every potential dress that i could wear.  not to mention most were not appropriate.  because the perfect dress for this is not my normal go-to dress.  there are several factors one must take into consideration.  here they are:

1) it must be long enough so that i can move around, crouch down, or climb up to stand on a chair without showing my ladyness to the world.  flashing the ladyness to wedding guests is a definite no-no. 

2) it must not show too much of cleavage.  a little bit is cool (it doesn’t need to be a freakin turtleneck)…but not anything too plunging…i can’t have a nip-slip  while i’m wielding the camera.  just like the ladyness, the girls must stay out of sight.

3) it must not be a bright, distracting color.  i need to be able to blend into the background, that way i can get these great candid moments of real emotion from the guests and bridal party.  cobalt blue, chartreuse, or bright coral, while fabulous shades for my skin tone, are not that subtle.

love this dress from anthropologie...just not quite the "blend into the crowd" color i'm looking for

4) it must look professional.  i can’t be showing up in my ‘house dress’.  gotta look classy for these peeps.

5) it must have all the above and not make me look matronly, frumpy, or like a fat cow.  hey, you never know…there might be some hot, single groomsman or guest that catches my eye.  even if i’m on a dating zack-morris-timeout doesn’t mean i have to shut the door entirely by wearing some hideous grandma dress.

eek...i'm only almost 27! i'm too young to look like an old lady!

the problem is that i don’t have a dress that fulfills all of these requirements.  oh, i have a dress that’s long enough, shows the appropriate amount of cleavage, and doesn’t make me look like i’m 80…but it’s a bold and sassy color.  and i have a dress that matches 1-4 (i wore it the last wedding), but i look like a freakin frump. 

 

how can i solve this?  why, take my lil Dillard’s charge card (which i haven’t used in many a month like a good girl) and do some shopping damage!  i always have great luck at Dillard’s.  always.  and 9 times out of 10 the dress i want is on sale sale sale.  this will be perfection!  retail therapy will be had and the “what do i wear” conundrum will be solved.  yes!  jump in the car and here i go!

off to see the dillard's...the wonderful dillard's of penn square mall! because because because because becaaaaauuuuse, because of the wonderful clothes there are!

or so i thought.

i found a few great dresses.  ones that would fit all the requirements.  and even on sale!  but me in them?  ugh.  yuck, gross, and ugh times 2!  i either looked like a squeezed sausage or like one of those people who you see and think “oh dear, why didn’t the sales person tell her the truth?”

 

and it’s my own damn fault.  i know exactly why i feel this way. because i do stupid shit like snarf down panda express while guzzling a swimming pool sized dr pepper.  and do i work out?  fuck no.  i haven’t walked anywhere unless it’s from the door to my car or lifted a weight other than a beer in months.

 

and that ends tonight.  Operation Bringing Sexy Back is in full swing.  and then, it’s game on shopping mission impossible.  freakin game on.

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A LITTLE NOSTALGIA FOR YA

i surprisingly don’t have a grand story to tell today.  the past week has been a draw between me and ‘010.  there hasn’t been anything that’s made me über excited.  on the plus side, there’s been nothing that’s made me curse ‘010 and call it evil names (other than my mild case of insomnia, but i’ve almost gotten used to that).  mostly it’s just been a steady stream of good times…  chillin on the porch with good friends, good times with the fam, and bein leisurely at the pool.  oh, and work.  lots and lots of work.

 

 ok, so i lied…i do have a little story.  it’s not a grand, epic tale like usual…just a light little rando story.   today brimsy and i were discussing my upcoming anniversary of my birth.  it’ll be my golden birthday, 27 on the 27th!  and that led me to reminiscing about my 25th birthday (man i loved that birthday).  which then led me to reminiscing about my brilliant idea that i had to get a weave (or extensions…it’s the classier way of saying weave.  and i am always classy. ha). 

 

ah, my weave was glorious.  i named it betty and veronica.  it was long, it was blonde, and it was hot as hell.  literally, so very very hot.  having a crap ton of hair glued to your head during the oklahoma summer heat was perhaps the worst idea ever.  but it was long, and it was blonde, and i thought i looked like a rockstar. 

check it out...that is one awesome weave

 

in order to find this pic, i had to take a little visit to ye ole myspace page.  which was a flashback.  duuuuuude, remember when myspace was the coolest?  what ever happened to it?

 

i had quite the trip down memory lane, looking at all of my old pictures from back in the day.  there were the many phases of blondness…that was a fun hair time period.  and the summer i had a raging case of poison ivy.  and all of the mustacheers pics.  but the best were of the tiny baby cohcoh!  i can’t believe how tiny he was!!

look at him in his little onesie!

he was a tiny tater tot with big blue eyes and now he is such a little man.  it’s bananas!

 

 

oh myspace…i remember setting up my account when i was temping as a receptionist at this weird bioresearch lab.  i was like one of the last people i knew to have one.  i remember spending agonizing hours debating on which background to use (how i miss my crazy pink flamingo background!)  and all of the stupid surveys i used to fill out to kill time.  and most importantly, i miss my “about me” section.  it was a great one.  i am so hip and cool that sometimes i even amaze myself.  are you ready?  i’ll share it with you…bring back a little myspace love to the blog…

ABOUT ME: “i am like a unicorn who, on occasion, drinks too much”

i love that the beers are PBRs...classic.

see?  how cool was i back in the day?  the answer:  very.  hahaha.  kidding (sort of)


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A WORLD WITHOUT MUSIC IS NO WORLD FOR ME

seriously.  if there wasn’t great music, i would be one unhappy meredith. 

   

i love it, i do.  i love the thrill of listening to a kick ass song for the first time and thinking “this is my jam”.  i love that no matter what mood i’m in, there is a song out there to match it.  i love crankin up the volume and singing my guts out…and pretending that i sound like a songbird instead of a dying seagull.  i love turning on “sunday over easy” on a lazy sunday morning and just lying in bed listening while my mind drifts back to sleep…especially when they play something like “And She Was” by the Talking Heads that i haven’t heard in forever and instantly fall back in love with the song.  i love making mixed tapes for people.  i love feeling über superior when i discover a band before the ‘hipsters’ do. 

this song is my jam!

if you haven’t noticed by now…i love me some freakin music. 

   

it’s something that just instantly takes you back to a memory.  like The Beatles’ White Album reminds me of driving with my dad.  and Placebo’s Friend in Need reminds me of screeching the mustang into school senior year of highschool, thinking that i’m way way way too cool to be locked in this teenage hell and how i’m never ever EVER moving back to oklahoma once i graduate (oh teenage meredith, you were soooooo naive!).  Jimmy Eat World is the soundtrack to the hours upon miles that Annie B and i spent shuttling back and forth between colorado and oklahoma.  Built to Spill reminds me of my first serious boyfriend and young romance.  Led Zeppelin is forever L Dawg and me.  Morphine’s Yes goes out to my first major crush and also to summer nights, where the air is so thick you can taste it.  The Who’s Love Reign O’er Me is the hour that i spent sitting in the car during a torrential downpour outside my grandad’s old house crying and feeling every ounce of hopeless beauty that Roger Daultrey is pouring out (the house is vacant, so don’t worry…i wasn’t being that creepy).  Mason Jenning’s Butterfly is me beeboppin around boulder on a bright spring day when life couldn’t get any better than being 21 and carefree. 

   

mp3s make music easy.  cds make it possible to make a collage of sound and give it to others.  tapes, well tapes were lame.  but i did think i was super cool when i got my 1st walkman (it was pink, by the way).  but records, ooooooh records.  that’s where my heart is.  the feel of them, like something fragile yet strong at the same time.  shiny grooves that wink at you when the light hits them, tantalizing me with hidden sound.  they smell almost like old books, a little bit musty, but with a whole lotta rock-n-roll. 

i love records so much, i even took pictures with them!

 

but records can’t beat seeing a band live.  there’s the thrill of realizing that a killer show is coming my way.  that yes, my schedule will allow me to go.  then there’s the wait for tickets to go on sale…and the victory high of seeing the confirmation e-mail proclaiming that i, meredith, will be there.   

the anticipation of waiting for that date to arrive can be agonizing, but it’s always worth the wait (even if i have to overcome ridiculous obstacles to get there *ahem, vampire weekend!*).  the day of, i am buzzing with excitement.  literally bouncing on the balls of my feet.  and waiting in line?  ah, you can hear the hum of people talking…hoping that the band will play this song or the other…reminiscing about when they saw them last.   

then there’s the crush to get the primo spot.  the one where giant men don’t loom in front of me, where i can actually see the band instead of staring at sweaty shoulder blades for hours.  but even if i do get stuck behind some man shoulder mountain, it doesn’t diminish the pure joy of seeing the band walk on stage and strum that first cord of the first song.  the one that vibrates through the whole crowd and gets the party started. 

somewhere in the mix, there’s the exciting frustration of winding your way to buy a concert t-shirt, restocking up on overpriced cheap beer, and making a trip to the loo.  and the smug satisfaction of pushing past dumb hipster kids to get back to the exact same spot i vacated so that i can resume staring at a man shoulder mountain.  and resume being in pure auditory bliss. 

Android, No! kickin ass at the Red Eyed Fly (rickford is the one on the right with the super sweet sax)

ah, i love it i do.  if i was an obscenely rich person, i’d spend my time hopping from city to city seeing all of my favorite bands.  and taking a posse of my bestest friends with me.  because you must have your bestest friends there with you to dance with.  and to look at each other and yell “ohmygod this is FREAKIN AWESOME!”.   

   

but luckily for me, a few good shows come by OKC…or at least within driving proximity.  and they aren’t too steeply priced. 

speaking of which (and the reason for me going off on a tangent), i’m going to go see The Black Keys, Vampire Weekend and Beach House (fingers crossed that i get tickets when they go on sale this friday), and most likely Built to Spill.  hurry up, october, i’ve got plenty of music-based plans for you!


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ALL ROADS POINT TO THE GYM

so i’ve decided to take a little break from bitching about all things to do with a) my car and b) my broken windows.

tonight, i’ve decided to pay attention to the other “projects” of mine…cause lord knows i love me some projects.

first up…Me & My Camera…

i’ve been having fun with the camera and slowly but steadily i’m getting better.  i actually, kinda, maybe feel like i know what i’m doing.  or at least i’ve gotten it down enough to pretend like i do.  which is good…fake it til you make it and whatnot.

i’m toooooootally excited because KK has shown me a little bit about Photoshop and Lightroom.  so now i’m all about exploring that new realm of photography.  granted, i have zero clue about what i’m doing…but with KK’s excellent direction, i’m sure i’ll get it down here soon.

we also shot a wedding on saturday, which was awesome.  i think i got a few nice shots, so huzzah for that!  although now i’m paying the price of sore shoulders and an achy back…that camera isn’t getting any lighter and i’m not getting any younger.  but it’s a small price to pay for something that i love.

good job to me!

next on the list…Project 2,010 Hugs.

i’m not doin to hot.  seriously slackin on this one.  soooo, if you see me, be sure to remind me that we need a hug pic.

also, i think that for my golden birthday (27th on July 27…what what!) i’m going to have a hug themed party.  possibly with a photo booth.  that would be neat-o, i think.  so get ready to brush off your party hat kiddos.

mine's a top hat. now i just need to get a stick on mustache and i'd be as cool as this guy

finally…Operation Bringing Sexy Back

yeah, this one i’m also failing at…yeesh!  i need to get my act together!!

i was doing awesome for like 3 weeks, and then i got distracted and stopped.  but i’m going to the grocery store tomorrow to buy food.  ok, maybe tuesday.  weds by the latest!  i promise.  and then it’s goodbye eating out and hello bringin bagged lunch to work.  i really think that i need to get a cool lunch box or something…i’m sure that would motivate me for sure.  where does one get cool lunch boxes?

i’m also debating on whether or not i want to jump on the “30 day shred” bandwagon.  it’s only 20 minutes, and i know a few people who are doing that and seeing good results.  i mean, their face isn’t shredded and that’s good.  also, shredder from teenage mutant ninja turtles hasn’t popped out of their TV to assault them so that’s another point in its favor.

but i feel kinda silly doing home workout videos.  it just reminds me of the early 90’s when workout videos were all the rage.  i remember my grandma working out with “sweatin to the oldies” in her living room…am i really going to be the 2010 version of that?

oh my lord. and is the guy on the right in jeans and a button-down shirt?

but me in a bathing suit tells me “yes, meredith…you are going to be the 2010 version of neena working out to ‘sweatin to the oldies’.  and you’re going to freakin like it too.”

so keep your fingers crossed that shredder from teenage mutant ninja turtles doesn’t pop through my tv and shred my face.  i just want the fat bank to be shredded.

yep, that’s it on the updates…i will conclude with the closing reflections:

me & my camera: rockin, keep up the good work

project 2,010 hugs: stop bein a slacker and hug some people

operation bringing sexy back: buy a cool lunchbox and bust out the living room workout routine.


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MEET MY DAD…

…he’s super rad.  possibly the raddest dad i know.

my dad

but then again, i am pretty partial.

 

i could go on for hours about how cool he is, about how funny he is, about how kind, generous, compassionate, and intelligent he is.  seriously, hours.  he’s that awesome.

 

my dad also has amazing taste in music.  he’s responsible for cultivating my love of great music.  and early on, he decided to teach me about the greats…about the Beatles, The Who, Pink Floyd, and of course, Led Zeppelin.  anytime we had a longer car drive, he’d introduce me to a new album.  we’d listen to it over and over.  he’d tell me all about the band, about the inspiration of the album, and why he felt connected to the music.

One of my fondest memories is driving on a hot summer day with him.  he had this great BMW that he drove forever with red leather seats.  he’d had the car for so long that the seats were really broken in, so when you sat down you just sank into the seat.  it smelled like warm leather, polo cologne with a hint of rubber (he’s an avid racquetball player, so his gym bag always had his equipment in it).  so here we were, driving down May avenue with the windows rolled down, the sunroof open, and blasting Rocky Raccoon.  i mean, seriously blasting some freakin Rocky Raccoon from the Beatles’ White Album.  at the stoplight, he’d let me stick my head out of the sunroof.  i thought it was the best thing ever.  i still do…there is nothing better than rockin out to some kick ass tunes while drivin with the windows down.

me & my dad

he’s also incredibly funny.  he is witty, can improv some hilarious songs, and can play some genius practical jokes.  he also can carry a joke on for years, which i have been known to do so i appreciate the heck outta that.  and if you want to play hide-and-seek, he totally kicks ass.  me and my cousins used to play hide-and-seek with my dad when we were younger at my grand bob’s house.  holy bananas.  one time he put books in between the mattress & box springs and hid there.  it took us hours to find him.  another time, he somehow climbed into this tiny cabinet above the sink.  and he’s 6’2″.  i have no idea how he managed to fit up there. 

he's a zany guy

my dad is always there to listen to me.  it could be to tell him about something funny that happened during the day, or about how i’m frustrated with something, or if i am trying to work something out.  it doesn’t matter…he’s always there.  even when i’m a jackass and call him at 3am. 

he gives the best advice.  he’s full of sage wisdom.  he comes up with some of the most creative solutions that i’ve ever heard of.  he’s taught me that with hard work, belief in myself and others, and fun anything is possible.  he always encourages me to try my hardest, to jump the highest i can imagine, and to take the time to enjoy the process.  which is scary…i could fail, and i could fail miserably when i take those big risks.  but i know that he’s there to catch me if i fall.  he’s there to help me metaphorically dust myself off and learn from the experience.  i can hear him now saying “well, meredith, what did you learn from that?  how are you going to change your approach next time?”

this was taken back in the day when i graduated from college...he was pretty proud. and the view of boulder behind us makes me wish i was there right now!

thanks dad, for everything that you do.  thank you for believing in me.  thank you for the introducing me to the rock-n-roll greats.  thanks for coming up with great hiding spots for hide-and-seek.  thank you for making me laugh all the time.  thanks for passing on the gene that gave me your eyes.  thanks for the great advice.  thank you for your encouragement.  thank you for spending time with me.  thank you for reminding me how important it is to find the good in everything.  thanks for letting me borrow the jeep (beep beep). 

dad, thanks for being you.  and thank you for being my dad. 

 

i am one lucky kid.


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ONE HEADLIGHT

remember the wallflowers?  they were pretty popular in ’96.  they had a song that was pretty big, you may have heard about it…”one headlight”.  ok, so maybe you young’uns don’t know (i’m talkin to you brittsy!  heart your face!)  

ah, mid 90s "alternative rock" bands are the coooooolest

 

  

“Hey, come on try a little
Nothing is forever
There’s got to be something better than
In the middle
But me & Cinderella
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight”
 

  

well, Jakob Dylan, driving around with one headlight is not cool.  in fact, it’s pretty darn illegal.  like a $130 ticket (course you do have a 5 day “fix it” period.  but still) 

  

why do i bring this up? 

  

well, i got my car back from repair (the 2nd time, keep in mind).  the high-pitched horrible noise was gone.  awesome!  yay!  yippee!!  thursday i was a good girl and didn’t go out after work, i just chilled at home watching one of my favorite TV shows (So You Think You Can Dance…i know, i know.  but i love that show, i do!) 

  

day 2 with kenny was so nice.  it was like a reunion with a best friend that i haven’t seen in ages.  or like a hug from one of my favoritest kids. 

look at that adorable face!

 

  and then day 2 turned into night 2. 

  

i drove home from my AJ’s house after a delish family dinner of grilled salmon, fresh salad & asparagus.  it was approaching dusk, so my headlights turned on but i didn’t quite need them yet.  i pulled into my garage, glad to be home.  now, i have the automatic headlight feature on my car.  so i don’t turn them off when i leave my car…they stay on for a few and then click off (it’s a pretty common feature, i’m sure you’re aware of it). 

  

hmmm….that’s funny, the lights don’t seem to be working on the right passenger side.  the left one works, but not the right.  the passenger side that got completely replaced from the car accident and was SUPPOSED TO BE FIXED!!!! 

  

pump your brakes, say "whaaaaaaaat?"

 

are you freaking kidding me?!  are you ABSOLUTELY FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?! 

how, how the fuck, how the fucking fuck did they NOT notice this?  does the body shop not check their work?  TWICE?!?!?! 

  

i mean, i know absolutely nothing about cars.  i know that i fill it up with gas, turn it on, put it in gear, and step on the gas pedal to make it go & the brake to make it stop.  that’s about it.  i have no idea how to change the oil, i call my dad when i need to change a flat.  i am your stereotypical girl when it comes to cars. 

hell, they could tell me that the blinker fluid is low & i’d believe them.  or that my car needs more gigglywatts, and i’d buy more. 

  

but even me, the most ignorant person when it comes to cars, knows that it is not good for a car to be making a high-pitched whistling noise when you drive it.  even me, the girl who can’t change a tire, can flip an effing switch and notice that the headlight isn’t working!  how come these experienced mechanics not catch this?! 

mama ain't happy, so figure it out mechanics

 

they are freakin lucky i didn’t get pulled over.  because i would seriously have to kick some guy in the nuts.  i’m not playing around. 

  

so monday i get to take my car back in for the 3rd freakin time…the 2nd time in one week.  and i swear to the powers that be, if they don’t fix Kenny once and for all i will raise some hell.  and i’m not normally the type of person to get all raging at people.  i normally am very sweet and polite and understand that it’s not their fault. 

  

but it is their freaking fault.  how do you not run simple tests to make sure that your work is complete?!   

  

seriously. 


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CLOSE, BUT NOT QUITE

this morning, i got the long-awaited call.

 

kenny’s all better!  he’s fixed!  he’s fixed!  he’s not broken anymore!!

 

was i excited?  oh, you bet your favorite pair of chuck taylors i was!

i'm pretending that this is me jumping for joy instead of rickford

i totally dig the jeep (beep beep).  it’s been uber convenient and was freakin awesome of the dad to let me borrow it.  not to mention it has been entertaining bumpin the bass to The Black Keys and Vampire Weekend.

 

but the jeep (beep beep) is not my car.  it’s not kenny.

 

so glory be!  my car is ready.

 

oh, wait…i have to pay $1800 to get him out.  a fantastic $800 to get his crater fixed (that’s my bad, so out of my pocket) and the $1000 deductible because they insurance agents still haven’t resolved who’s paying to fix my car.  well, crap.  i don’t have that kind of cash just layin around.  and if i did, it’d probably be spent on something fabulous (um, i’m not the best with the whole “saving” thing…i think i might have mentioned this in the past).  so, of course, i have to ask dad to bail out my car.

pretty please, dad!  help me out and i promise promise promise i’ll pay you back!  dad’s great about helping out, especially if he knows that i’ll be paying him back.

 

so at 5:45 he pays the bill (with solemn promises from me that the second insurance pays me back i’ll write him a check).  and i zoom off to the dealership to pick up my handsome car.

oh, did i forget to mention the shop closes at 6pm?

we barely made it.  barely…like it was 6:02pm.  luckily i had called them ahead of time.

 

they gave me the keys, i took the paperwork, and finally got to sit in my rightful seat…the driver’s side of my car.

 

he looks fantastic.  shiny, new, just like a baby.  the back is fixed (after 2 years.  yeah, yeah, yeah, i’m a slacker) and you can’t even tell that it was wrecked.

 

i’m cruisin back to the store, loving the fact that i’m not bouncing around & feeling like my car once again matches me.  i’m blastin some sweet tunes.  hmmm, that’s weird…i know that song doesn’t have a high note in it.  what could that be?  i turn down the music.  oh, delightful…that noise IS COMING FROM MY CAR!

 

oh, yeah.  kenny looks super shiny and just like new.  but there is something seriously NOT FIXED in the wheel department.

 

awesome.  fan freakin tastic.

 

guess i’m waking my happy ass up early to take kenny back to the dealership.  good thing that shit’s guaranteed.

i have a new mantra.  i have been repeating it to myself since 6:22pm.

just relax, meredith...it's all going to work out

i will not freak out about this. it will all work out.   i will not freak out about this.  it will all work out.  i will not freak out about this.  

i will not freak out about this. it will all work out.   i will not freak out about this.  it will all work out.  i will not freak out about this.  

i will not freak out about this. it will all work out.   i will not freak out about this.  it will all work out.  i will not freak out about this.  

i will not freak out about this. it will all work out.   i will not freak out about this.  it will all work out.  i will not freak out about this.  

i will not freak out about this. it will all work out.   i will not freak out about this.  it will all work out.  i will not freak out about this.