Merry Merry Quite Contrary how does the story go?

THE FOLLIES OF A MEREDITH IN OKC


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ADVENTURES IN AUSTIN-LAND (pt 2)

“zack morris” time in…so here’s what else went down on my fantastic austin mini-vaca. 

  

  

i had my first official time playing on the nintendo wii.  i’ve kinda played it before, but just briefly. 

and while it was tons of fun, it made me realize one major thing: i suck at Mario.  i am absolutely horrible.  atrociously horrible.  i would literally die, then come back, only to jump directly into a goomba.  i’m so bad, that rickford picked my guy up and threw me at a ghost to kill me so that he could finish the level.  how sad is that?  and i used to have mad skills at playing mario.  oh well.  good thing “mario playing skills” aren’t essential to life.  

  

  

i dominated my goal to hang out with annie bee, rickford, and hug a crap ton of texans.  but my friends, there was a giant fail for the ‘eating at yummy places’ goal.   

it was a true “failure to lunch”.  get it?  it’s kind of like “failure to launch”…the epic movie starring sarah jessica parker and matthew mcconaughey…man, i’m so funny.  it takes years of training to be this funny.  yep. 

but seriously…worst dining experiences EVER.  the only place that wasn’t a disappointment was Trudy’s.  in fact, Trudy’s rocked. 

delish delish delish

and  

the beloved mexi mart

 how can i be mad at that?  bright sunny day, check.  patio, check.  awesome company, check.  good food and booze, check & check.
 
 
 
 

but kerbey lane?  wah wah wah…utter fail.  we had a jackass waiter.  he greeted us by saying “hey guys.  i’m feelin a bit rough this morning, so…yeah…you know.”  then he proceeded to toss straws at annie bee while she asked a questions.  seriously?  seriously?   

look, i don’t expect much from my waiters.  i don’t expect to be dazzled or entertained.  i mean, if i am…awesome.  but i don’t expect it.  what i do expect is for my waiter to be courteous.  if you’re courteous, i’m willing to let most things slide.  even if you fuck up on my order or forget to refill my drink.  but, to be a complete dick?  um, no. 
 
we’re not friends, dude…i don’t get or appreciate or give a flying fuck about your hipster ‘tude.  i’m just tryin to eat.
and on top of that the eggs francisco were sub par and they fucked up annie bee’s salad.  how you fuck up a salad, i’m not quite sure.
 
not only that, but taco bell closed down at 2am…we rolled up at 1:55 and they gave us the silent treatment until 2am (something something, taco bell…something something, incomplete said in darth vader voice).  mr natural’s was closed on sunday.  our 2nd choice, hula hut, was waaaaay too crowded (45 mins, no thank you).  and our 3rd choice, abel’s on the lake, was blah but i ate it anyway.  which was good because i was getting hangry (hungry + angry= hangry).
 

rickford's sandwich was the only dish that was delish...damn him and his smug smile!

  

  

luckily, the trip wasn’t all about food.   

  

it was about hanging out with my kick-ass friends.  and meeting their kick-ass friends. 

cue up the “introspective epiphany” music, kiddos… 

my life can be crazy.  in fact, i’d say that i don’t have much “luck”.  but one thing i do have is amazing friendships.  the kind where i can go months without seeing them (because we live in different states, not because i’m a jackass who doesn’t call) and we’re able to pick up right where we left off.  the kind where i can just hang out and be me…i don’t have to impress them or feel like i have to be a specific “version” of me.  the kind where i feel incredibly lucky and fortunate to have met such beautiful people. 

amazing friends in spades (both in okc and in various different cities), checkity check check check. 

  

and my friends are so b’dass, that they even know that i will be sad my vaca is over and that i couldn’t take my austin friends back to okc with me.  so when they pick me up from the airport, they invite me over and make a delightful crab-leg and shrimp boil and watch ‘the blind side’ with me.  yeah, KK is b’dass like that. 

crab legs, shrimpies and corn…yum yum!

  

  

BAM!  epiphany bomb dropped!!! 

  

and i just realized that i said “it wasn’t all about food” and then posted another pic of food.  in case you haven’t already guessed…i’m about to eat lunch and am hungry.  ah, classic. 


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ADVENTURES IN AUSTIN-LAND (pt 1)

to say the weekend was “awesome” would be a gross understatement.  

it was beyond ‘awesome’.  it passed ‘amazing’.  it laughed at the word ‘fantastic’.  and it made ‘outstanding’ seem like a debbie downer.  

and as much as i want to try to explain every tiny bit of it, i won’t.  because 1/2 of it wouldn’t make any sense…tons and tons of inside jokes…and it would take me about a million years to type and about 2 million years to read.  and if your attention span is like mine, that of a goldfish, then that’s about 2 million years too many.  

so here’s the deal i’ll make with you…i’ll make a quick list of the hilarious (to me, annie bee, and rickford) inside jokes for my reference.  and then i’ll do a brief break-down of some highlights.  complete with pics, natch.  how does that sound?  fair enough?  

first up…inside jokes.  

  • like a boss. *clap clap* hiss. 
  • crunchin on a carrot 
  • “this is just like the scene in failure to launch…” 
  • “stroud-shimi…they don’t believe me, when i tell them you’re half pyrene-es…” 
  • rickford throwing me at a ghost 
  • butt-smacker (said in a high-brow english accent) 
  • dinosaur poop 

…and many more.  but those were the best  

   

now on to the highlights…   

i finally got to see Android, No! play (my friend rickford’s the sax player) at the Red Eyed Fly.  now, i knew rickford was good.  and it’s not that i expected them to be bad or anything.  i just expected it to be like a garage band.  

i would like to officially apologize to Android, No! for thinking that.  they were not bad.  they were not good.  they were fucking brilliant.   

it was bananas to watch them play and then look around at all of the people there.  the venue was looking pretty empty when we first got there.  but as Android, No! started to rock n’ roll, it started to fill up.  and it wasn’t just friends of the band.  complete strangers were rockin out, dancing, singing the hooks.   

they rocked the socks right off of my feet

color me impressed.  

even if i wasn’t great friends with rickford, i would pay to see them again.  and when they make their cd, i will gladly fork over the money to buy it.  gladly.  and that’s sayin a heck of a lot, because i NEVER like paying a cover to see a show if i can get away with it.  

they have a groovy, experimental blues sound.  and it just makes you want to move your feet.  and i did.  and i will make it down there to see them play again.  become a fan of their’s on facebook.  just freakin do it.  you’ll thank me later.  

i took a ton of Project 2,010 Hugs pictures.  mostly with friends of annie bee’s and rickfords.  not too many stranger hugs.  except for the Green Peace guys we met on guadalupe.  they were pretty funny cats.  i added 72 pics to the fan page, bringing the total to 505.  not too shabby.  it’s got a good beat, i can dance to it.   

here are some faves:  

  1. me hugging Annie Bee’s face

    i heart this lady's face....and i hug it too!

  2. Eli (the Hill Country Ride for AIDS’  intern) somehow crammed 2 tangelos in his mouth.  it was horrifying.  so i had to take a pic of me hugging him. 

    he kinda looks like jar-jar binks from the star wars episodes.

  3. Annie Bee & Skylar’s hug.  the close up of his face if effing hilarity in picture form.  

    hahahaha...still funny.

  4. Rickford looking terrified while hugging his jacket 

    you look like a rabbit

  5. hugging the Green Peace kids 

    gotta love talking to strangers

there were a ton more hug-tastic pics, i posted them on the Project 2,010 Hugs fan page…so check it out. 

   

BREAKING PROJECT 2,010 HUG NEWS!!!! 

i have made the proto-type for a Project 2,010 Hug t-shirt whilst in austin.  it is super rad and i love it.  i plan on making more.  and rocking them. 

if you want to rock one as well, give me a shout and i’ll make you one that you can buy.  yes, you will have to buy it.  but IT’S FOR A REALLY GOOD CAUSE!  i plan on donating all of the proceeds to Hill Country Ride for AIDS.  since i can’t participate in the ride, i wanted to find another way to help.  but wait, i can make cool t-shirts.  *bingo bango bongo*  a way for me to help raise money & awareness.  i’m not sure how much they’ll be yet.  i have to price t-shirts and the kind that i want to make it (the kind i used for the proto-type sucks, but it was cheap & i wasn’t sure how’d they turn out).  but once i do, i’ll make an uber official post about it.   

dude, check it out….you know you want to be cool and have your very own!

so be a peach…but a t-shirt.  it’s hip. it’s cool. it’s locally made. it’ll be an original. but most importantly it will help humanity.  how cool is that?! 

   

   

   

there is so much more that i want to tell…but this is a really good place to stop and KK is making a delish dinner of crab legs.  i really should help.  so i will do a ‘zack morris time-out’ and pick it up tomorrow on my lunch break.


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SPANDEX SPANDEX SPANDEX

greeeeeetings from austin!


i have been awake since 5:10am.  and that’s not “staying up to see 5:10am”.  it’s i actually woke up at 5:10am.  which is absolutely b-a-n-a-n-a-s.  i honestly don’t know why that time exists.  it doesn’t seem all that interesting.


but what is interesting AND fun is being in austin with my annie bee.


after a way early morning for a way early flight.  with a kid banging on the seat back tray way early.  seriously, i think they should make separate flights for ill-behaved children.  if you’re a well-behaved child, you’re more than welcome to fly with me.  but if you’re a brat, sorry kid…move it to another plane.

anyroo, i arrived in one piece.  no crashing, no missing of flights.  annie bee picked me up.  and there was lots of shrieking “ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod” and jumping up and down and waving of arms when i saw her.  yes, i am that girl.  especially when i haven’t seen my annie bee since october.


we ate breakfast (delish breakfast tacos from a gas station.  sounds weird, but they were divine), i took a quick shower to get the general feeling of grimy-ness from traveling off of me, and we headed up to annie’s job.


where i am currently decked out in some free swag (neon 80s-esque glasses, a slap bracelet, and a t-shirt.  holla!) and scouring the web for awesome spandex pictures.


why spandex pics?

well….let me tell you.  annie bee is super rad and works for this fantastico non-profit called Hill Country Ride for AIDS.  it’s this really amazing organization that raises money for 10 local charities in austin (AIDS Services of Austin, ALLGO, The C.A.R.E. Program, The C.A.R.E. Communities, Community Action, Friends of David Powell Health Center, Out Youth Austin, Project Transitions, Waterloo Counselling Center, The Wright House Wellness Center).  oh, did i mention that they’re the 2nd largest AIDS fund raiser in the nation?  cuz they are.  for more info, check out their website.  i strongly recommend it.  and if you want to participate in it, you should.  it’s an amazing thing to do…help out mankind!  added bonus, i have it from a reliable source that the riders get a free massage at the end of the ride.

their new campaign for this year is called “Spandex Saves“.  how freakin awesome is that?!

but wait, there’s more!  the mayor of austin declared April 9th as “wear spandex to work” day.  i think this is something that needs to happen everywhere.  i mean, who doesn’t love a lil spandex?!  and the more outrageous, the better.


currently, i am at the Hill Country Ride for AIDS’ main business office, goofing off while the annie bee cranks out some emails (like a boss).  her task for me, should i accept it (and i did), was to find dazzling spandex pics online for the “Spandex Saves” website’s gallery.  oh mylanta.  there is a lot of spandex in this world.  and i love every single clingy fiber of it.  here are some of my faves…

1)  David Bowie

there are two fantastic Bowie pics.  i have one from the Ziggy Stardust era (a flamboyantly inspired era).

who else could pull that look off? he's majestic.

and of course, the labyrinth.  although i was pissed because the one picture i wanted from the labyrinth had a circle drawn around the cod piece.  to the dude who drew that: don’t be lame.  we all see it.  and it is glorious in only the way that David Bowie can be glorious.  way to ruin the pic.  you douche.

you remind me of the babe. what babe? the babe with the power. what power? the power of voodoo. who do. you do. do what? you remind me of the babe. i saw my baaaaaaby, cryin hard as babes could cry...

2)  Early 90s TV Spandex

ah, saved by the bell.  kelly kapowski, jessie spano, and lisa turtle were my idols as a kid.  i wanted to be kelly kapowski.

from the infamous episode where jessie pops diet pills

can’t forget early 90s workout videos!  especially if it’s of eric nies from the real world


don’t lie, you stood in front of your t.v. and worked out with eric. i know i did.

3)  Astounding Dancers Spandex.

how do they do that?  i so wish that i could.  jealous.


i just love the visual image this creates

and


look at that pointed toe! seriously!

4)  Hairband Spandex

the masters of spandex.  and they were serious about it too.

hahaha, i freakin love it

and you can’t forget the king of 80’s spandex.  ladies and gentlemen…mr david lee roth

jump!



man, there are way too many awesome spandex pics.  i have like another 30 pics that i absolutely love.  and it is taking all of the self restraint that i have not to post them all.  but then this post would be 5 miles long & i’d lose y’all.  so just take my word for it that there are other spectacular spandex pics.  we are living in a material world, and i am a material girl.  oh, and the material is SPANDEX!!!!!!


now that i have delighted your visual sense with spandex images, i am off to take a leisurely walk with my annie bee.  we plan to lunch and soak up some patio time.  the day is be.au.ti.ful.



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LEAVIN’, ON A JET PLANE

and i totally know when i’ll be back…it’ll be on monday. 

but tomorrow…ooohhhhh tomorrow!…i’ll be boarding a plane and headed down south to a little place called “austin, texas”.  oh how i love a quick flight (better than the 6 hr drive.  trust.)  one minute i’m in okc.  then *bang zip woosh* i’m in austin.  i love flying.  well, i love the middle part of flying.  and the getting there in a speedy manner part of flying.  the actual take off and landing freak me the fuck out.  that’s the part when i calculate the chance of us crashing in a fiery twist of metal.  meh.  the risk of all that is lower than if i were driving.  and i do love the middle part, where you’re cruising above the clouds.  and the being there in a speedy manner.  that’s always nice. 

see ya later suckas! vrooooooom (or whatever noise a jet engine makes)

yippee! hooray!  woohoo!  yippee! hooray!  woohoo!  yippee! hooray!  woohoo!  yippee! hooray!  woohoo! 

oh the plans i have for this little 4 day trip. 

i plan to hang out with one of my bestest friends, annie bee.  i mean, seriously hang out.  i haven’t seen her in forever and i love that ladybug so much.  it’s going to be 4 days of quality ‘meredith and annie bee hangout’ time 

check out this chick...isn't she super rad?! i sure think so

and i plan to hang out with rickford, annie’s manfriend and also one of my bestest guy buddies.  added bonus, i finally get to see him & his band, android, no!, play at the red eyed fly.  sa-weet.  tooooootally excited about that.  and we might even get to play a little halo, which one of the two video games i don’t totally suck at (the other is guitar hero.  i love me some guitar hero). 

   

thirdly, i plan to eat at all my favorite austin places.   

oh, how i miss kerbey lane.  where everyone that works there are rockstars at night and therefore provide really crappy service but the food is oh-so-delish and is totally worth the 30 minute wait.  the eggs francisco are simply divine 

i can’t wait to visit mr natural and totally grub on their vegetarian taco salad.  the taco-shell is baked, not fried.  it is possibly one of the best taco salads i’ve ever had.  it’s the bomb dot com. 

and i can’t leave out Trudy’s.  i hope to log some time chillin on the patio sipping on some tasty mexi marts (mexican martinis, natch).  where you are only allowed 3 because of their potency.  

ah, the mexi mart. it's in a league of its own

   

lastly, i plan to hug the crap outta some texans.  of course, i can’t leave Project 2,010 Hugs in okc!  that would be so sad.  it’d be like the little kid running through the airport, trying to catch up to her parents (she got side tracked looking at a toy in the giftshop) only to find, upon hugging her dad’s legs, that it isn’t really her dad.  just a stranger wearing a similar coat.  yep, this happened to me once.  luckily, my dad was actually behind me and swooped me up just before i burst into tears.  don’t worry, Project 2,010 Hugs, i won’t leave you…i’ll swoop you up and then we’ll jump on the airplane and FLY TO AUSTIN!   

   

but just a warning to all the people at will rogers international (ha!) airport…my flight leaves at 6:35 am.  which means i will be there by 5:30.  which means i will have woken up at 5am.  not a pretty sight.  i am not a morning person and definitely will be rolling out in yoga pants and an american apparel t-shirt.  trust.  i will be looking something like this, only with longer & darker hair… 

ack! not looking my best at all!

sometimes, makeup is a must.  too bad i’ll be too grumpy and sleepy to even attempt to put it on. 

   

yesterday is a thing of the past.  i’m ready to rock and roll.  i’m ready to take on the giant dragon & kick its ass.  i’m really really ready to board that airplane and spend 4 days chillin in the ATX (even if it’s at 6:30am)


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WHY CAN’T LIFE BE LIKE MY FAVORITE BOOK?!

oh me, oh my.  i have had a no good very bad day.  like  the big-time day of ultimate sucktasticness.  which leads me to two questions.

 

question number one:   why is it socially unacceptable to drink at work?  or before the “5pm” mark, for that matter?

yeah yeah, that was two questions.  whatever.  i’ve had a no good, very bad day. 

but it would’ve been so much better if i could’ve had a nice glass of crown on the rocks.

scratch that…today deserves a giant fish bowl drink that i could just shove my whole face in and gulped down.  kinda like “bobbing for apples” only it’d be “bobbing for booze”.

oops, did i drink all of that? refill PLEASE!!!!

 

and that leads me to question number 2:  why can’t life be like my favorite book? 

 

every night, before i go to bed, i read for at least 30 min.  it’s how i relax and wind down before sleepy time.  i read a little bit of everything.  from smart kid “aren’t i so hip” books to cheesy romance novels.  but my most favoritest of authors is Robert Heinlein.  i love his work so much that i went on a “reading quest” where i tried to read all of his novels (i think i lack only 4 of them).

 

and right now i’m reading one of his novels, my favorite is The Number of The Beast. 

mine is much more beat-up looking than this...

one of my good friends val gave me a copy in like 7th grade and i have read and re-read it at least 15 times.  the book is dog-eared, the spine is broken, and the cover is starting to come off.  it is a well-loved novel.  a beloved friend. 

and on days like this, i wish i could literally crawl into that book and live there.  i want to be Dr Dejah Thoris Burroughs Carter…a statuesque, strawberry-blonde genius.  she’s got plenty of personality.  she doesn’t take crap from anyone and is able to still maintain a sweet disposition (on a good day, i can do that).  she’s deadly with or without a weapon (i couldn’t defend myself against a fly with a sledgehammer).  she is literally a genius (tooootally not me.  especially today…i am feeling very very dumb.  and worthless.  pity party, table for one!).  added bonus, she’s married to the uber awesome and dreamy Zebadiah John Carter (uber awesome and dreamy guys don’t exist in real life).

 

and if i was Deety (her nickname, duh), i’d do computer programming in my head because i’m a super genius.  and i’d get to explore different universes…like ones where you can live on mars.  and wonderland. and bestest of all…the land of Oz!  i’d get to meet tik-tok, glenda the good, the tin-man, the hungry tiger and the cowardly lion! 

yippee! the land of oz, here i come!!

not to mention that i’d then get to meet Heinlein’s main character, Lazarus Long, and all of his family.  and then get to time travel.

 

*sigh*

 

why can’t i live there?  pretty please, with sugar on top?! 

 please Mr. Heinlein..pretty pretty please…i’ve been a faithful fan for many a years! 

c'mon Heinlein...make it happen!

just until this horrible, no good very bad day is over?  or at least until i can go over to KKs and drown my sorrows and feelings of work-related inadequacies in a giant vat of vodka or crown?

tomorrow, i’ll woman-up and conquer the world.  i promise.  i’ll go out and solve the world’s problems and all that jazz.  

but that’s tomorrow. 


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TAKE THAT, EVIL EXCEL SPREADSHEET

ah, the sweet smell of victory!

 

for the past 4 hours, i’ve been in a battle with the most vilest of foe…the dreaded excel spreadsheet.

 

now, this ain’t no ordinary excel spreadsheet.  it’s the spreadsheet for my store’s schedule. 

and this ain’t no ordinary schedule (pshaw, i can crank out a normal schedule in like 30 min.  trust.)

 

no.  this was the evilest, vilest, most freaking absurd schedule ever.  i’m sending one of my associates to another store to help them out.  but, oh, did i mention that i’m already short-staffed?  and that i’ll be starting a new associate in training?  oh…oh…and that there are vacation requests too (granted mine is one of them…hey, i’m going to see vampire weekend.  i can’t miss that!)?

 

yep.  this is a freakin nightmare of a schedule/excel spreadsheet.  a freakin “turn your brain into jello” schedule/excel spreadsheet…a freakin “you’re never going to get this to work” schedule/excel spreadsheet…a…a…a FIRE-BREATHING DRAGON of a schedule/excel spreadsheet!!!!

rar! i am a dragon schedule! i will burn your store down to a burnt crisp!!!

 

 

luckily, i enjoy puzzles.  and once the gauntlet has been thrown and the word “CHALLENGE!” has been uttered, i can’t give up.  i am one stubborn lady.

 

so 4 hours later, i have won.  i have made that dragon of a schedule/excel spreadsheet my bitch.  and i named it matilda.  i have the store covered, and only had to ask for help on 5 days.  sometime’s i’m so awesome, i scare myself.

 

now here is where i was going to put in an awesome pic of someone kicking the dragon’s ass, but when i googled “dragon slayer” all i got were scantily clad women with giant breasts.  seriously people?  seriously?

 

oh well, here’s one of the tamer ones that i found.

yes, this is EXACTLY what someone would wear when going up against a fire-breathing dragon with sharp teeth. EXACTLY.


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SLEEPLESS IN OKC

 

this is not a story about me listening to a dreamy & young Tom Hanks pouring his heart out on a radio show and us falling in love to live happily ever after.

nope, not a story like that.

 

this is a story about how the stupid dramatic weather changes give me a mild case of insomnia.

soooo much more fun.

it normally happens when the seasons change.  i’ll go through a period of about a week where i can’t sleep.  but with the crazy-pants snow storm that just happened, i’ve been enjoying this seasonal side-effect for the past few nights.  it’s great, lemme tell you.  i go to bed…i’m exhausted…but my mind won’t. turn. off.  i lie awake in bed, tossing and turning, thinking of the most random things.  and finally, at around 4am, i’ll fall asleep.  only to wake up 4 hours later to my shrieking alarm. 

ack.

 

now, i know what you’re thinking… “meredith, why don’t you just take something like a tylenol pm?”

well, i would.  if it didn’t give me horrible nightmares.  and the sleepytime medicine in it won’t let me wake up.  so i’m stuck in nightmare-ville until it wears off.  which is possibly the worst feeling in the world…where you’re in the dream and you know you want to wake up but you can’t.  ugh, just thinking about that gives me shivers.

i’ve tried drinking warm tea.  i’ve tried relaxation techniques like imagining that my muscles are melting into the bed one by one.  i don’t watch tv in bed.  i write down the lists as they pop into my mind to try to clear it. 

nothing ever works.

 

plus, do i really want a list of what i’m thinking about?  i wish i could say that it’s all super smart, complex issues that i’m thinking about…like how to solve world hunger or how to stop pollution.  but i won’t lie to you like that.  heck, i guess i’ll share last night’s list with you.

 

last nights “list” (if i would’ve made one)

1) if mr bix was a chef, i wonder what cuisine would be his favorite to make

daaaaah-ling, my specialty is unique and tasty sandwiches...they ain't yo mama's turkey sandwich

2) how can i help increase my store’s traffic (see, this one is a smart one)

hey, all of you people, come buy stuff at my store!!

3) what would a cat look like wearing mittens

wow...a lot creepier than i thought.

4) i really want a dainty, floral dress for the spring and pair it with scuffed up combat boots

perhaps i'll even go to a tea party

and

why do i not own these? (a thanks to johnna for letting me know these exist...yet another thing to save for)

5) i should make a kimono robe…kinda like my halloween costume only with softer silk instead of silk brocade and less dramatic sleeves.

me & my halloween costume. i could totally make a less costumey kimono. i even sew-ed it myself (just don't look to close to the seams)!

6) i wish i lived in wonderland

i would marry the Mad Hatter and we'd have outrageous parties

7) i want my canon eos-7D now…i hate saving up for stuff

what i wish was buying instead of brake pads

8) man, i need to clean…like really clean, not the half-assed stuff i’ve been doing

exactly.

 

 

yep.  there ya go.

 

please, please mr. sandman…let me go to sleep tonight at a normal hour…like 11:30pm or midnight.  that’s manageable.  but this 4am stuff has got to stop.  my left eye keeps twitching because it’s tired.  and i’m not a fan of that.