oh the joys of homeownership.
tuesday night, i am happily chatting away on the phone with my wonderful cousin Gertie as i unlock my front door & enter my house. we’re talking about some random something as i kick off my shoes and head to the back door to let Mr Bix out to pee. as i pass by my kitchen, i noticed the sound of water. i turn my head to see where the noise is coming from.
holy. banana. balls.
i shout a barely coherent “ohmygodigottagocrapcrapcrap” at Gertie, hang up the phone, turn and stare into the kitchen.
there is water. water gushing from my kitchen ceiling. specifically from my kitchen’s light fixture (thank god i did not turn the light on!). my kitchen has a waterfall feature. a freakin full-fledged waterfall.
so what did i do?
i started shrieking and running around my condo like an idiot. because that will toooooootally make the waterfall stop. really, it will.
after about 3 minutes of this, i frantically call KK. why? i’m not sure…there’s really nothing she could’ve done. but i needed someone with their common sense intact to help me with the next step. the one that goes after “meredith freaks the fuck out and runs around shrieking like an idiot”. KK doesn’t pick up, Hogie does. he starts his usual “you’ve reached the office of KK, how may i direct your call”.
me: there’s a waterfall in my kitchen!!!!!
me: a. waterfall. in. my. kitchen. what-do-i-do-what-do-i-do???
hogie: um…turn the water to your place off?
me: where do i do that? where is the shut off valve?? what does it look like? how do i know it’s turned off????
um…hello…meredith, he obviously doesn’t know that answer. i should. i’m the homeowner fer cryin out loud. but Hogie was very kind, tried to calm me down & had me once again speaking full sentences with the appropriate pause between words.
i called the HOA, they helped me locate the stupid shut off valve. i punctured a hole in the ceiling to help the water drain. i placed pots & trashcans underneath the main flow of water. i called a plumber and scheduled a time for them to come out to my house.
and then i fled my post waterfall apocalypto house for KK’s house, wii, and a stiff maker’s mark on the rocks.
the next day, a very nice plumber informed me that my hot water tank upstairs needs to be replaced. and, by the way, my hot water tank’s overflow pan doesn’t connect to any drains. which is why when it decided to punk out on me, it caused a waterfall in my kitchen (which is directly below). awesome. thanks previous homeowner of my place. you’re swell.
so on friday, feb 25th, i purchased my very first hot water tank. i opened the closet that it lives in and took a good look at the new hot water tank. honestly, it doesn’t look that interesting. and for as much as it costs, you’d think it could be a little blinged out. i mean, maybe chrome plated? or at least the logo should be bedazzled. or maybe the bottom of it could be red, like the glamorous louboutin shoes? c’mon…give me a little sparkle here people!
oh well, at least i have hot water. next on the agenda is fixing the kitchen ceiling…which is currently a crumbling pile of soggy dry wall. maybe i’ll make it bedazzled to compensate for my plain jane water heater.