Merry Merry Quite Contrary how does the story go?


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when i think about this past weekend, all i can say is “the shit is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s”.


at 5pm on saturday evening, a magical transformation took place.

the work zombie took off its top hat, donned smurf blue puma boots, and emerged as a party monster.

and i owe it all to the birth of lil M on tuesday.  and her fantastico party on saturday.


sutures did not disappoint.  it hosted a rockin gathering of celebrators and the wonderful bday girl…and my party monster spirit could not be more happy!  there were the stone cold t-town crew (lil M, the lovely Wallflower, Button, Triple C and her lil sis, T, plus a bevy of other people who i met) not to mention 3 of my favorite ladies that came into town (cousin A-sizzle, Geredith, and Lady Green).


on the drive up to tulsa, i decided that i wanted to do 2 things

1) party

2) hug some people

kids, it was a mission freakin accomplished.  and all at the low low price of a $30 tab (man o man, how i love being in a group so large that it overwhelms the waitress and i don’t get charged for most of my drinks.  don’t worry, i tipped well).


after snapping as many hug pictures of the group as possible, my drunk ass decided to hug everyone in the bar.  and with the help of Lady Green, i did just that.  i hugged so many strangers.  so very many strangers.  i literally went from one person to the next going

 “hi, i have kind of a weird question.  i’m working on  a project where i’m trying to get 2,010 pictures of hugs by the end of 2010.  can i take a pic of us hugging?”

and sometimes, my drunkiness kicked in and i said

“hi, i have kind of a weird question.  i’m trying to get 2,010 by 2010.  ah.  crap.  i fucked that up.  i’m trying to get hugs by 2010.  ah, hell…i’m too drunk for the spiel…can i take a pic of us hugging?”


here is why i love oklahoma…any other place in the world people would look at me like i was a lunatic and say “hell no”.  but here, people are all about helping out.  i had a few people who looked at Lady Green and asked if i was legit.  when she replied yes, that was good enough for them (apparently she’s the Legit Police).  oklahomies love hugs.  i only had 1 person who didn’t want to oblige, but i am persistent and said he didn’t have to show his face…so he caved and gave me a hug.  there were 2 bartenders that were too busy…not including them, i hugged every single person.  and even got 3 kisses on the cheek to boot.


the bar closed down and A-sizzle drove all of our drunk asses to mcdonalds, which was bumpin.  so instead of waiting patiently, i decided to hug everyone waiting in line at the drive thru.  which was awesome.  i had a girl end her phone call, jump out of the car and shed her jacket so she could show off her new tat sleeve.  freakin rad…man i love oklahoma.


sunday was relaxing and full of recovery.  luckily i didn’t suffer from the pyrotechnic tummy, but i did suffer from the “i partied til my face melted off” general tiredness.  i grubbed on some arby’s market fresh sandwich, watched Role Models with lil M, napped and eventually dragged myself to the car so i could head home.


yep, all-in-all, victory to me.  i spent time with some of my favorite people, the party monster got a break from the work zombie cage, and i captured 100+ pictures of hugs (many of them freakin hilarious).


oh!  and i created a fan page for Project 2,010 Hugs on facebook.  i figured that the strangers i take pictures with might want to see them and it does make the project seem a little more legit.  so become a fan of it (if you haven’t already).  soon to come, a Hug Awareness day (my hug benefit) and possibly a Project 2,010 Hugs t-shirt.

one of my favorite hugs…me doing the “koala hug” with Triple C





things have been pretty crazy lately.  and it’s not in a “good” or “bad” way.  just in a “holy bananas, i’ve got a million things to do” way.  i’ve been very productive and have avoided the procrastination pitfall that i normally find myself in.  it’s just left me with very few funny stories or time to think of funny stories.  in fact, i’ve been a bit of a zombie.  minus the whole eating brains thing.  and as a result, the poor lil blog has been neglected.  so for my break, i am taking a “zack morris” time out to show the blog some love. 

while my weekdays lately have been work work work then go home and crash, my weekends have been anything but mild.  last weekend it was the copa with Lil M and TJ, this weekend it was a party at the craziest house i’ve ever been to with KK and Gordy. 

Gordy has this friend, Red, who was throwing a house party.  and his house is absolutely bananas.  you walk in, and it looks normal enough.  until you get to the living room.  which has full wall murals of family guy and the simpsons.  not to mention color lights that pulse to the music, fog machine, disco ball, black & white graphic floor.  and in the middle, the piece de resistance…a stripper pole.  then you move to his kitchen, which has a huge mural of him & 3 of his best friends.  next up is the garage, with a huge wall mural of a police line-up wall and various sofas.  finally is the bathroom, which has graffiti all over the place.  all in all, his house is set up to party.  all the time.  all day long. 

party all night long with the disco ball


so, what’s up with encountering so many stripper poles?  first it was sutures, then Red’s house, and next weekend it’ll be at sutures again (for lil Ms bday bash).  at first glance, i was like “wow, that’s crazy, i would never dance on that”.  after a few glasses of ye ole bota boxed wine i thought “hmmm, that looks interesting”.  after 1/2 the boxed wine i thought “i can freakin do that!!”  so i did. 

now, don’t think i was all sexy-like.  oh no, my friends.  it was more like i would run as fast as i could and spin around in circles…which resulted in either 1) me falling on my ass or 2) running *splat* right into it.  it is definitely harder than it looks, and now my arms are killing me and i have several random bruises from plummeting to the ground.  i don’t think i’ll be repeating this next weekend at sutures. 

we all had a blast, met 4 new peeps that are freakin fantastic, and took tons of pics (most of them hug-related).  i felt a little bad, because KK, Gordy, the 4 new peeps and I dominated the party, even outshining the chick whose party it was and her attendees.  ah hell, who am i kidding…i didn’t feel bad at all.  stone-cold party crashing beotch, that’s me.  all in all, victory. 


now let me perform a flash-back to before the house party.  i went to the mall in search of some new jeans and perhaps a new shirt.  i had my 1st bonus check in the bank and thought i deserved something shiny and new.  i found a pair that fit nicely (which is a freakin miracle because NOBODY makes jeans for people like me: skinny legs, no ass, and a fatbank), but alas they had the stupid “whiskering” effect.  like so… 

not attractive on anyone


here’s the deal.  this does not look good on anyone.  who wants radiating lines from your crotch?  especially on the thighs?  i don’t want my thighs to look any bigger than they are.  does anyone want that?  if so, i will kick you in the shins. 


so that brings me up to today.  and my operation “bring sexy back” (no, the dancing on friday was not sexy…at all). 

earlier this month, i thought i hated all of my clothes.  friday evening, i realized that i really just hated me in all my clothes.  over the past year (let’s be honest, 2) i have become more “fluffy” than i would like.  and it’s about darn time that i did something about it.  besides bitching about it, lord knows i’ve done plenty of that.  i wish i could afford to go to my personal trainer friend, but she is way to expensive for my meager pocketbook.  instead, i have enlisted the help of my cousin (not Lil M, my other cousin).  i shall now refer to him as the Drill Sgt.  here is why he’ll be a good work out friend: 

1) he goes to the gym like every day 

2) i can’t con him into going out for a beer instead of working out 

3) he has zero tolerance for me whining that i don’t want to go and will mock me if i even try 

so i am going to be a more svelte version of me from now on (last night’s dinner of peppered steak, mashed potatoes, and artichoke dipped in garlic butter was my last caloric hurrah).  i don’t want to be a size 0…let’s face it, mama likes to eat and that will never happen.  my goal is to take the fat bank from the foreign exchange market down to the bank of america.  that’s when i look my best.  


watch out world, i’m bringing sexy back (yeh).