every company has them.
the effing pot luck lunch.
oh, i remember the days when lunch was ordered in. i’d receive a very nice note saying “please circle the sandwich of your choice”. and i’d circle a yummy sandwich. or we’d all be surprised by something super delish.
not any more. nay. now i live in the era of the pot luck lunch.
i mean, i get it. it save companies money. it’s like a nice family style lunch for people who you work with. it’s supposed to raise morale. blah blah blah
i mean, i love to grub on some home-made delightful cooking. who doesn’t? but the problem is that you have to bring something too. well, more specifically I have to bring something too.
have you met me? have you eaten something that i actually made by myself (without help from a friend or family member)?
obviously these people haven’t. because i am not a chef. or even an adequate cook. i’m a bumbling idiot in the kitchen. and yet, at a pot luck, i’m expected to bring something to the table.
which means i have to go to the grocery store.
which i hate more than poison.
i wouldn’t mind if i had to go for something simple, like store-bought cookies. but no, i have to sign up for a crucial ingredient. the theme is mexican food. i signed up for the taco fixin’s. more specifically, i signed up to bring the taco meat. i can’t not bring that…there’d be a whole lotta sad little tacos without any ground beef. dammit dammit dammit. why oh why did i sign up for this?!?!? i have to go to the grocery store. then i have to cook. shit shit shit. there is no avoiding the grocery store.
so today, after work, i was good. i got home, did the 30 day shred dvd that i reluctantly bought but will Will WILL do every day if it fucking kills me (and trust me, jillian michaels might just kill me. or my tv, if i throw something at it). and i was going to go the grocery store. i really was. but KK was having a low shrimp broil. and card night. i have to be present for that. it’s in the Meredith rule book that i must be present for that. no worries, i’ll swing by walmart stupid super center on my way home.
which was delightfully empty.
until i got to the checkout line. which was not so empty. in fact, i’d say it was jam-packed. hell, there was only 2 lanes open so of course it was. and no matter what line i chose, i was bound to stand there for eternity.
dear reader, i will speak to you truthfully. no exaggeration. no modification. i stood behind 3 people. all with at least 32 items (i counted). and the cashier was an older lady. who scanned 1 coupon 7 times. i counted. she literally scanned it 7 times. i mean, fuck, after the 4th time i woulda just given the guy the damn 10 cents off his room spray. it’s not like walmart is exactly hurtin.
but no, she scanned and scanned and scanned and
scanned and holy-bejesus she scanned and scanned and scanned dear-lord-help-me and scanned and scanned and does-this-really-take-so-long and scanned and scanned how-many-more-cartons-of-milk-does-this-guy-have scanned and scanned and scanned and man-i-really-need-to-pee and scanned and scanned and fuck-this-shit-im-leaving and scanned.
so i left. i walked quickly to the meat section (ish) and put down the 5lbs of ground beef and 3 packets of taco seasoning (how many should i really use?) and got the fuck out of there. i really had to pee. like, cross your legs do the pee dance, pee. and this old lady was not about to move any quicker.
tomorrow, i will have to wake up at the butt crack of dawn. and go to the grocery store. then, once i’ve returned, i will have to slap on a smiling face and brown up some delish taco seasoned ground beef
why? because i signed up for a stupid crucial ingredient. and i will not let this dumb pot luck fail. ugh.