he’s an energetic, fun-loving dog with big bat ears and a pirate eye patch. he also enjoys jumping on your book when you’re trying to read, wandering around the bed scratching/shaking his ears because of his perpetual ear infections while you’re trying to fall asleep, and snuggling. he can sit, tilt his head in cute way, and puke with absolutely no warning. he loves a game of fetch and has a knack for jumping on the exact location of any bruise. he has big googley eyes that are the color of melted chocolate and are great for staring creepily. especially if it’s 2am and he needs to go outside even though you’ve already taken him outside 3 times before and he refused to “do his business”.
and i, his loving owner, will let you borrow him for a short period of time. for free. yes, kids, i said free. no money down, no payments.
“but how would rent-a-bix help me?” you ask. here’s a few classic ways:
1) single? want to meet your soul mate? try the dog park! but wait, you don’t have a dog and it’s a little bit pathetic to cruise the dog park without a dog…sad, it looks like someone will be alone forever.
OR you could rent mr. bix! take him to the dog park! he’s cute, he friendly, he’ll help you grab the attention of your soon-to-be significant other! yay for romantic relationship bliss!!
2) scared of robbers or ghosts? it’s so sad that you live alone and have nothing to deter them.
OR you could rent mr. bix! he’s great at barking like a hound from hell. he’ll scare any robber or ghost right out of your house.
3) have kids? oh no… the tv broke, they’re out of school and imagination land has crashed! how are you going to keep them entertained? guess you’re going to have a lot of very bored and cranky kids aaaaaaaall day.
OR you could rent mr bix! he loves kids, and kids love chasing around dogs! bingo-bango-bongo! problem solved. added bonus, your kids get a work out and will sleep sounder at night.
see? sooooo many different ways that mr bix is helpful! AND if you rent him today, you just might help him live longer. because if he keeps me up until 4 am again, i just might hurt him.
no, no, not really. i love mr bix and you can’t really rent him. well, i take that back. you could rent him for the day. but i’ll need him back in like-new condition. he is my favoritest monster puppy in the world.