Merry Merry Quite Contrary how does the story go?

THE FOLLIES OF A MEREDITH IN OKC


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DESTINATION: PROCRASTINATION

so back in the day, when myspace was really popular, i used to pass the time by taking stupid surveys.  my favorite one was where i had to say 25 random facts, habits, or goals about myself .

i can’t think of any funny story to share, so i am going to re-do this survey and try not to repeat any of my old answers.  which will be tough.  but i’m going to try.  heads up though, i will cheat and sneak a few of the good previous answers in there.  here we go…

1)  i like the beach, but i hate sand.  really, i just hate when it gets stuck in between your fingers.  that feeling is the worst.  it is also why i hate wet-wipes.  sick

2) a well made turkey sandwich is the food of the gods, to me at least.

3) i have a “voice” that i picture as what mr bix would sound like if he could talk.  i like to imagine what he we would say.

4) i used to really dislike kids, until i met the 2 coolest kids i know (cohcoh and rikitikicambo).  now i think having a kid wouldn’t be so horrible.  although i am terrified that they won’t be as cool as cohcoh & rikitikicambo.  and that would just suck to have a lame kid.

5) i pick my nose in the car.  sometimes even when i’m hanging out with my close friends.  while i know people can see me, in my mind i think that they can’t.

6) i could never have an indoor cat.  i’m terrified of the possibility that i might die in my condo and the cat would eat my face. 

7) when i was younger, all i wanted was to have braces and glasses.  i even lied during an eye exam to try to get glasses.  yep, i wanted to be a bigger dork than i already was.

8) i can make up a song for anything.  KK, Monkey and i have the best song ever.  i think it has 6 verses so far.

9) it is damn near impossible for me to be quiet for long periods of time.  i am a total chatter box.  and it only gets worse if i’m nervous.

10) my tattoo has 3 layers of meaning for me.  one is that Ldawg designed it for me, two is that i got it the day after my parents dropped me off for college, and the last is a joke that i had with my grandbob.  even if it’s considered a “tramp stamp” now, i will always love it.  for the record, it was not referred to as a “tramp stamp” when i got it.

11) i still really wish i could go on the real world.  too bad i’m way too old to be on it now.  but seriously, how dope is their house?!  i don’t give a shit about their crazy antics…i would just chill in the awesomeness of the abode.

12) every morning i sing in the shower.  very loudly and very out of tune.  my favorite shower songs are  “shake senora” and “black dog”.  when i sing “black dog” it is complete with air guitar solos and a bitchin drum solo.

13) i am the best at procrastinating.  take now, for example.  i am intending to finish up some documents for work.  instead, i’m writing this while eating string cheese and almonds.  in my defense, it is my day off & i’m trying to figure out how to sign on our vpn so i can access the documents.  but i’m still procrastinating.  i think i work best in crunch-city.

14) when i was a kid, i was terrified of beets.  my family used to torment me with threats of making me eat them.  i don’t know why i hated them so much.  i think their intense colors freaked me out.  i tried them a couple of years ago, they aren’t that bad.

15) my dad’s nickname for me, in full, is moosedust potato chip.  there is even a song that he made up.  (moosedust potato chip *clap clap* she is one of my kids.  i know a girl and her name is *clap clap* moosedust potato chip).  but i’m moosie for short. 

16) i have a really kick ass record collection, but my record player has been broken for about 6 years.  mental note, get that shit fixed.

17) i can’t mix liquor and beer in any fashion.  that whole “liquor before beer, all in the clear” saying is crap.  if i even think about changing my drink, i will have pyrotechnic tummy all day.  it is very inconvenient.  especially about every 6 months when drunk meredith thinks that somehow i can trick the drinking gods and mix it up.  i never win that one, the drinking gods are crafty.

18) when i was a kid, my mom wouldn’t get me a dog.  she only bought me goldfish.  problem was, she never told me that i couldn’t touch the goldfish.  i killed about a million of them because i kept taking them out of the water to pet them…goldfish refer to me as the grim reaper.

19) i very rarely wear socks.  they don’t let your toes wiggle.  p.s. my feet smell really bad.

20) i wish i could have a pet giraffe.

21) when i was a kid, i hate-hate-hated my name. i mean, c’mon…meredith lorraine black is not a name that any 8 yr old should tote around. now as an adult, i love it. i could not imagine me with any other name

22) until a week ago, i thought the phrase “up and at ’em” was “up and atom”.  i was always so confused as to why i was supposed to be an atom.  it makes much more sense now that i know the real phrase.

23) i rarely go to bed before midnight.  my brain just won’t shut down, no matter how tired i am.  i am also a grizzly bear in the morning.

24) whenever i have a problem i’m trying to solve, before i go to bed i think of talking to my grand bob (who passed away) so that i can dream of him and get advice. we always meet at la baguette and eat french onion soup. and we talk and he gives me his advice on what i should do. i know it’s really my subconscious working out the solution, but somehow, when it comes from him i know it’s the right choice. he has a pleasant face and the best voice.

25) i love public transportation.  whenever i go to a city that has a subway or tram system, i always ride it at least once.  and i save the card.  it’s a shame public transportation is pretty much non-existant in oklahoma.

yep, so there you have it.  25 random things about me.

 

hug pic of the day…

creepy back hug

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SICK JAMS TO MAKE ANY DAY BETTER

this morning i woke up and gazed into the big, chocolate-brown eyes of mr bix and thought “man, i love my dog.  he is so awesome.”  i gave him a good morning hug, stretched, and dangled my feet over the edge of the bed.  mr bix sat next to me, and he was just so darn cute that i had to give him another hug.

that’s when i stepped in dog vomit.  placed conveniently just so.

i looked down into those conniving, googly eyes and i swear that evil canine was smiling at me.  the jerk.  i thought about how i could turn him into a cool hat as i wiped the puke from the bottom of my foot.  and while the thought was pretty tempting, i could never do that.  i love that googly-eyed jerk of a dog.

but ‘010 will not win today.  i’m calling a “zack morris time-out” on the beginning of a crappy day.  instead, i will share the new kick-ass mix tape i made last night.  ok ok, it’s not an actual mix tape.  more like a mix playlist.  but mix playlist doesn’t have the right sound, so i will call it a mix “tape”.  the quotation marks make all the difference.  the one i made last night is particularly b’dass. 

i call it the “suck it ‘010” mix.  it has a little bit of everything, as a well made mix does.  without further delay, here it is:

1) black betty- ram jam

2) black dog- led zeppelin

3) heroes- david bowie

4) good ol’ fashion nightmare- matt & kim

5) dog days are over- florence and the machine

6) truck- octopus project

7) 1901- phoenix

8) paper planes- m.i.a.

9) my drive through- santogold, pharrell williams and julian casablanca

10) yummy- gwen stefani

11) sexy back- justin timberlake

12) tik tok- ke$ha

13) poker face- lady gaga

14) i’m in miami bitch- lmfao

15) gifted- n.a.s.a. feat kanye west, lykke li, and santogold

16) kick, push- lupe fiasco

17) come around- m.i.a. feat timbaland

18) fireball- dev

19) club love- the cataracs

20) shove it- santogold feat spank rock

21) way down- n.a.s.a. feat rza, barbie hatch, and john frusciante

22) black & gold- sam sparro

23) i was a lover- t.v. on the radio

24) heartbeats- the knife

25) electric feel- mgmt

26) daylight- matt & kim

27) knocked up (rodeo mash up)- kings of leon vs. lykke li

28) howl- florence and the machine

29) the beast and dragon, adored- spoon

30) specialist- interpol

31) criminal- fiona apple

  

i will not give in to the temptation to call this day a defeat.  instead, i’m going to freakin rock ‘010s socks off with good music, a delish microwave meal (the delish is a lie.  microwave meal is a truth),  and a date with the Scientist tonight.

 

hug of the day…me & derek.  derek looks gangsta. 

me and "billy bad-ass"


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HEAD FULL OF MUSH

i don’t really have much today.  i just got out of an all day quarterly manager meeting.  which means that a) i have a lot of things to work on 2) i have a lot of deadlines rolling around in my head and III) i need a beer.  maybe two beers.  oh hell, who am i kidding?  i need 4 beers and some freakin nachos.

luckily i’m about to meet up with the lovely megarie for beers, nachos, and talking over the things that have just been smashed into my little pea-brain.  she’s the best for talking things through with…she gives me an outside perspective and we come up with the best ideas.  especially if a few beers are involved.

 

i do have a quick funny story to share…the story of the mystery password that popped up on my phone.

the other day, i woke up to my blackberry asking for a password to unlock the keypad.  now this is odd.  i’ve never had to use a password.  normally i just press the * key and then the talk key and presto!  it’s unlocked.  not the case now.  i now have to enter in a full-fledged password to unlock the damn thing.  inconvenient…you bet your best pair of pants it is!

i was so befuddled…i must have changed a setting on my phone in my sleep.  i have been known to answer a text when i’m only half awake and then tuck my phone under the pillow.  could i have changed it then?  if i did, then props to my head for being so magical that it can get the exact sequence right to change the flippin password.

i spent the better part of 3 days trying to figure out what the hell i had done.  i mean, c’mon…if my sleeping head can change the setting, surely awake meredith could figure it the fuck out.  i checked the manual.  i checked online.  i checked with the blackberry guru, jerbear, to figure it out.  all roads lead to stumped-ville.

today i received a delightful work email telling us that as a security precaution, all blackberries with work email would now require a password.  freakin fantastic.  you’d think they could’ve sent that out 3 days ago.  apparently my sleeping head is not magical.

thanks, ‘010, for now making my phone a bitch to unlock.  you’re swell.  on the plus side, no one outside of the company can access all the super-fun-tastic emails i get every day.  nope, i get the supreme pleasure of doing that.

 

project 2,010 hugs is off at a gallop!  i already have 21 pictures and it’s only the 2nd day!  i posted them on facebook, but here’s a few for your viewing…

me, cohcoh, and katie. oh, and my super disasterous bangs.

 

and of course, gotta include the first hug with my monster puppy.  of the project, that is.  i give mr bix hugs all the time.

i heart bix

 

21 pictures down, 1,989 to go. 

 

ta-ta for now, i’m off to go have a well deserved beer.  or 4.  and nachos.


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DRUMROLL PLEASE….

in the contest for my new challenge of ridiculousness, here’s the results…

 

in 4th place with 1 vote….Menu Anyone?  (poor lil fellow never had a chance)

in 3rd place with 2 votes…Picture Perfect Day

in 2nd place with 3 votes…Beer Tour

the winner and NEW CHALLENGE of RIDICULOUSNESS IS………….

2010 AWKWARD HUGS!

hugs wins! hugs wins! crushing the opposition with 15 votes!  which is really great because even if it lost, it’d still win.  luckily y’all were on the same page and i didn’t have to cheat.  so thank you for keeping me honest. 

 

thank you, all 21 of you who voted, for your participation.  that is awesome.

 

so now, the rules and guidelines of 2,01o Awkward Hugs.

*i either have to be present in the picture or the person taking the picture.

             i thought about being in all the pics, but you’d get really sick of seeing me in the picture.  i know i would.  also, this way i can’t cheat by using pictures that other people have taken.  and i can’t use pics that i’ve already taken, they have to be from now to the end of ‘010.  although if you have an awkward hug you’d like to share that’s awesome, i’m a total fan of posting it…although it won’t count towards my 2,010.

*the hugging pair can only be used once a week. 

              such as, if i have a picture of me hugging KK i cannot take another picture of me hugging KK that week. however, i can take a picture of KK hugging CohCoh.  i can’t do only 1 pick per pair total because, well, i don’t know 2,010 people.  some pairs will be recycled several times.  trust.

*i can hug inanimate objects, as long as they are funny. 

                 “funny” will be determined by at least 2 witnesses confirming it’s comedic.  this will also help to mix things up again

*at least once a week i have to take a pic of me hugging a stranger

                they can be either a total stranger or a friend of a friend that i do not know. 

*i will post the best pics on the blog

                i will try to include one per post, or at least 3 pics per week included.  this way you can see some of the awesomeness that is this challenge.  as for the rest of these pics, i will create an album on my facebook for your viewing.

 

so there’s the new challenge. 

i think i’m up to it.  i have to average 6.17 hugs per day in order to reach my goal.  holy crap, that is a lot of hugs.  but i can do this…pointless challenges are what i live for (well, not really “live for”.  they do make things more interesting though).

so get ready kiddos…if i see you, i will be hugging you.  in  non-creepy but slightly awkward fashion.  and taking a picture of it.


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ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR CLOSE-UP?

sunday sunday sunday


it’s the last of the photo shoot marathon with the stella ladies!  it has been fun, but i’m pretty darn exhausted.  so much so that i fell asleep on the sofa last night at 8:30pm while watching the DVR.  i don’t think i’ve ever fallen asleep that early on a saturday.


today we have a group of 7 girls coming in to do boudoir shots.  i’m in charge of hair, which luckily i know how to do the soft, messy curls for “bedroom hair”.  i’m also going to be the gopher, which i am well qualified.


today, my goal is not to destroy anything.  no fires, no spills, no knocking things over, no burning the girls’ heads while i wield the flat iron.  these are all simple things that hopefully i can avoid.

but then again, it is me…i am accident prone…and ‘010 is a fickle bitch who likes to screw me over.  i think my will to avoid catastrophe and my limited scope of responsibilities today will help me to dominate.


buckle up kiddos, it’s going to be a hectic day.


oh!  and 2nd date with the Scientist is tonight…wish me luck with that.


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I’M THE FIRE-STARTER

first, i just want to say that when i grow up, i want to be just like the photog phenoms of stella shot me.

they are amazingly talented, inspiring, and oh-so-much fun to hang out with.  the past couple of days (and tomorrow too!) i have been helping out the stella ladies (Monkey & KK).  it has been a blast.  mostly, i am helping with hair, set styling, and making sure they have all the things they need to create photographic magic.  they’ve also been teaching me the ways of how to be a  b’dass photographer.  while my talent and skill are in no way comparable to theirs (let’s face it, they’re freakin rock stars), i have knocked out a cool pic or two.  point to me!


but of course, that bitch ‘010 knew that i was having way way way too much fun these past 2 days.


so, i’m helping Monkey with the lighting.  they have a softbox lighting kit.  for those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s a bright light source that has a box of fabric around it to diffuse the light.  the fabric is held by tension rods to form a “box” shape.  hence the name “softbox” .  or at least that’s the layman’s definition of it.  now keep all of this in mind.  create a mental picture of me holding and maneuvering the lighting for Monkey.


Monkey:  hey, can you move it just a bit?

Me:  sure

(cue me knocking the tension rod loose, the fabric box collapsing upon the burning hot light bulb.)

Me: (watching the fabric curl and smoke on the light bulb, then in horror as it starts to ignite) uh…..shit shit shit….i’msorryi’msorryi’msorry…

Monkey: (very calmly) KK, it’s on fire.  (which was funny since KK was the farthest of us from the flaming equipment)

KK: turn it off! turn it off!

Me:  i’m trying to! i’m trying to!  shit shit shit…i’msorryi’msorryi’msorry….oh shit shit shit


yep.  that’s right friends.  i lit that fucker on fire.  on flaming, fuming, fucking fire.  who does that?  i do.  i’m the fire-starter.  (hey, at least i don’t look like the scary prodigy guy in the video that’s running around in a tunnel.  although i did feel like i should be after the initial shock wore off).


fortunately, i have extremely understanding and kind friends.  they had another softbox to use, thanks be to the gods, and were back up and running in no time flat.  the shoots were amazing and i had so much fun being apart of it all.  can’t wait for tomorrow’s shoot.  keep your fingers crossed that i don’t destroy anything else.


oh, and i have a picture of the wreckage…i’ll post it soon so you can see what level of destruction i am capable of.


voting closes soon…have you voted yet?


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A LETTER FROM THE POSTMAN CAMERON

grab a box of tissues, kiddos, because i have a sad sad tale to tell.

 

it began yesterday when i got home.  on my garage clip (where the HOA clips news & such) i had a letter.  it didn’t look like the normal HOA passive aggressive hateful newsletters or “where’s our money” letters (for the record, i do always pay my HOA…just on the last day that it’s due by.  i like to keep ’em guessing).

hmm…not HOA hatin on the youngest homeowner?  interesting…what is this?

 

it was a very nice letter from my postman, cameron.  he wanted to let me know that my mailbox was full and that tomorrow everything would be returned to the sender.

crap.

i hate checking my mail.  my mailbox is across the little condo-road, about 20 ft from my door.  while it’s not super inconvenient, it’s not all that convenient for me.  let’s face it, i’m a gal who needs for things like mailboxes to be convenient if i’m going to check it.  convenient.  just wanted to say the word one more time.  ha.  besides, i pay all of my bills online & nothing good ever comes in the mail.

 

so today, during my lunch break, i make the trek to the post office.  and let me tell you, that place was a bumpin.  there was a line out the door.  and, of course, only one window open.  so i wait.  and wait.  and  wait.  there goes my hour lunch, now i get to spend my “personal time” that work so graciously gives us on waiting in line at the stupid post office.  sweet.  normally i don’t mind waiting.  ok, that’s a lie.  i hate waiting.  i am as impatient as can be.  and i hate it when people try to crowd you.  has no one ever heard of the “3 ft personal space?”  or heck, i won’t be picky, just give me 10 inches of personal space!  either way, getting closer to me is not going to make the old dude at the counter move faster.  he just spent 10 minutes weighing a package, i don’t think you scooting closer to me will prompt him to suddenly become sir speedy.  added bonus, the line creepers always smell funny.  why is that?

finally i make it up to the front of the line, make my request and wait.  the guy comes back with one of the mail bins full of my mail.  eek, guess it’s been longer than i thought since i last checked ye ole mailbox.  i thank the dude, grab my bin and hustle out to the car. 

while waiting at a stop light, i shuffle through a bit of the mail.  something from the tax commissioner…what’s this all about?

*celebration car dance!!!!*

it’s a check!  a check!! for $540!!! i’m rich rich rich!! yay!  yippee!  huzzah and hip hip hooray!! something good does come in the mail!!

i give it a closer inspection.

“expires 90 days after issued”

glance at the issue date.  10/8/09.  quick counting on fingers.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have passed the 90 days.  i pull over, surely they noticed i didn’t cash it and re-issued me a check…i dig through the pile of flyers and coupons, praying to the gods.  nope.  nothing.  nada.

 

epic fail, my friends.  i had $540 and lost it because i’m too lazy to walk across the street from my door to my mailbox.  i know that it technically is my fault, but i’m going to blame ‘010.  why?  well, because i freakin feel like it.  and now i want to lay my head down and weep bitterly.  i had plans for that $540.  big plans.  cute shoe plans.  maybe that crazy new hair curling iron that mimsy has plans. 

tomorrow i will sift through the mail again to find a number to see if i can get the check re-issued.  knowing my luck, though, i will never find it. 

 

oh!  in my misery i almost forgot to tell you about the date with the Scientist.  it went really well.  he’s funny and smart, has good taste in dive bars (the place was very similar to my fav place the wilshire club), and became a research scientist because he wants to help humanity.  not to mention that he’s pretty darn cute.  there may have even been a goodnight kiss, but a lady never tells.  keep your fingers crossed for me that he asks me out again.  that would be swell.

 

p.s. have you voted yet?  only 2 more days left before the poll closes!!