Merry Merry Quite Contrary how does the story go?




nothing says “have a great day” like listening to an alarm pod shrieking for 10 minutes straight.

this is how yesterday began.  one of our alarm pods was tripped, and for 10 minutes that thing lets out an eardrum piercing shriek.  we have 2 keys that are “supposed” to shut the damn thing off.  but do they ever work?  hell no.  they never freaking work.  we finally got it to turn off *whew* thank god. 

then, me being the rocket scientist that i am, thinks “maybe i can fix it”.

bad idea, meredith, very very bad idea.

i set that disc of pure hatred off again.  and in the inventory room, which only amplifies the noise it makes.  so i wrapped that evil device up in a jacket and locked it in a file cabinet.  problem solved.

that was pretty much how the rest of my day went.  10 minute intervals of crappiness followed by my imaginative problem solving skills.

but good news!! i have a valentine!!!  it’s not a romantic valentine, just a “we are 2 kick ass chicas” valentine.  Lil M & i will be having a pizza & beer celebration.  yeah, we’re classy like that.  which i am uber excited about.  lil M is one of the funniest kids i know.  she makes me crack up every time i talk to her.  added bonus, she can carry a joke on just as long as i can.  so if you aren’t gazing adoringly into your true love’s eyes, give me a shout.  there will be pizza & beer aplenty.  and maybe even scrabble.  yes, scrabble.

during our chat and planning for the most awesome valentine’s day ever, i gave my usual “READ MY BLOG!!” threat (that all of my friends have been receiving lately.  love you guys!  thanks for putting up with me!)

me:  dude, did you vote? 

lil M: yep, i was the 4th person to vote for hugs

me: sweet.  so, do you like the blog?  is it entertaining?  would you read it even if you weren’t my cousin and even if i didn’t threaten to punch you in the kneecaps if you don’t read it?

lil M: yeah, it’s really entertaining.  it’s not like you write “monday.  woke up, gave bix a hug, made chicken cacciatore”.  you actually tell funny stories.

me: thanks, i try to keep it interesting.  but when would i ever have made chicken cacciatore?  i don’t even know what that is!  it’d taste like pure poison!  i’ll stick to what i know best…microwave kashi meals and take out.

oh lil M, you silly girl!  culinary whiz, i am not.  but i can order the best dish on a take out menu (it’s my super human power #3).

i did look up a chicken cacciatore recipe.  part of it says to “dredge the chicken”.  what the heck does that mean?! it sounds more like you’re taking the chicken to war than making a delicious meal. 

after our delightful chat, i went upstairs to start the “going to bed” process.  brushed my teeth, filled up mr bix’s water bowl, and snuggled into bed to read a few chapters before sleepy-time.  and just as my head hit the pillow and my eyes close, i hear “crack, crack, thwack, smash”  (or something like that.  sound effects aren’t my strong point)

mr bix jumps up and starts barking like a hound from hell.  he’s even got the mohawk ridge up.  which causes me to freak the fuck out.  oh. god.  someone is breaking into my house.  crap crap crap.  so i sneak downstairs (which is such a great idea.  what if there was someone down there?  what would i do?  tell them a funny joke?).  lucky for me, no one’s there.  i turn on the back porch light to check it out. 

an icicle has fallen down from the eaves of my house.

so i look up.  holy banana sandwich.  there are at least 13 icicles that are a good 3 ft long.  and one that i swear is at least 5 feet long.  i quickly think back to physics…those icy daggers are hanging from the 2nd story.  if they fall, the gravitational force will slam them down and they could kill me.  bust out your tuxedo t-shirt kiddos, i am going to die by an icicle of doom.  kidding.  

so all night i get to listen to icicles plummeting towards the ground.  bix shoots up from his spot on the bed barking like crazy.  and i get the mental image of one of those things falling on me.  or through my window box, which lord knows i don’t have the money to fix.  needless to say i slept poorly, and had nightmares of a giant icicle chasing me (it was terrifying.  it even had teeth and red eyes).

this morning, i stood hovering by the back door.  i had to go under the icicles, through my courtyard, and into the garage.  damn you, detached garage, damn you to nebraska.

i have never crossed the courtyard so quickly.  don’t don your tuxedo t shirt yet, i’ve lived to see another day.  i hope those icicles melt a quick and painful death.  ok, not really painful…just quick.

and don’t forget to vote for the new challenge!!!


Author: merrycontrary

Greetings! I'm Meredith Black, an Oklahoma City based photographer. Any time I'm behind the camera lens, I'm a happy camper!


  1. pizza. beer. mmmmm. that will be dinner tonight my friend.

  2. First off, I love chicken cacciatore and would be more than happy to show you how to dredge chicken. Second, pizza, beer, and scrabble sounds like a wet dream to me. You know Jassen and I don’t do sappy crap and thus I doubt we will be doing anything out of the ordinary on V-day, and I don’t have to work the next day, so I am very seriously considering crashing your date. And finally, I am so very happy the icicle of doom did not kill you, yet I am happy you relayed the story so I could have a good chuckle.

    • that would be so rad if you could show me how to make chicken cacciatore!! my good friend “the ax” got me a super cute apron, it’d be a good time for it to make it’s debut!!

      and you are so very very welcome to crash the pizza, beer, & scrabble. the more awesome people, the merrier!! bring it on julie!!

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