‘010 wins today. and i am freaking pissed.
so i get the text at 7:15 that we’re open and it’s business as usual. on one hand, i understand. we need to be open for our customers. it’s our job & i’m getting paid to be here, it’s not like i’m volunteering. but on the other hand, it is gnarly outside. and my car is possibly the worst car ever to drive in this crap. on the way to work, i slipped 13 times. it took me 7 attempts to make it across the intersection of 63rd and independence. all the while some dillhole in an SUV is honking at me. yeah, dillhole, that’s reeeeeeally gonna help me get across the street at a faster rate. by the way, having 4wheel drive does NOTHING when it’s ice. so suck on that, you self-important prick. (i’m having a bit of a bad day, can you tell?)
don’t worry kiddos, i flipped the dillhole off and magically kenny (my car) zoomed across the intersection.
so i get into work and brew the coffee…it’s so necessary to have coffee, especially today. of course we’re out of the good coffee creamer. of course. all we have is the disgust-o powdered crap. yuck. starbucks, i’ll just go there for coffee. i’m so desperate for coffee that i almost don’t mind getting boonswangled by their prices. oh wait, they’re closed. like everyone else. except for us. disgust-o powdered creamer it is.
watching the snow fall has been very fun. and helping all the 3 customers that came in. we made a fun game of seeing how many cars tried to go through the starbucks drive thru. it was 11. all the while, my friends are enjoying nice snow days. hanging out and playing card games. maybe even sledding. but not me. i get to be at work, watching the roads turn into evil paths full of hatred and treachery.
if i die on the drive home, i want there to be a led zeppelin cover band at my funeral. no, fuck that, i want LED ZEPPELIN to play. and i want there to be an open bar and keg beer for all. and everyone needs to wear tuxedo t-shirts because they’re classy, but it still says that you came to party. and i want to be cremated & have my ashes put in a giant bronze lion. and i want the lion to have a button that has my voice recorded saying my famous catch phrases such as “i hate you like poison” and “dial it down”. yeah…it’ll be the most magical event ever. do you think i could get a hologram version of me walking around and socializing? or is that too much? i’ll have to think about it…
argh. maybe i can have a brilliant come back and make ‘010 my bitch, but i think the drive home will squash any hope for that. buckle up kiddos, it’s going to be a fun drive.