so kids, where did we leave off? oh yes, on a wednesday afternoon. here’s how the rest of the day turned out…
LACTOSE FREE MILK
so all of the weather reporter’s doomsday talk finally got to me. normally, i agree with aclockworkbrowne and think that the weather hype is just because the weather newscasters get a big ole chub from whipping oklahomans into a frenzy. well, i helped them with that yesterday. freezing rain, sleet, perilous streets, armageddon, winter storm 2010, the rapture. these phrases finally began to get past my ‘devil may care’ weather attitude. what if i got stuck at the condo? i have no food to eat. only potatoes and parmesan cheese. i mean, i could turn mr bix into beef jerky but then who would be my best friend? and, how the hell do you make beef jerky? i figured it was time to venture to the grocery store.
now, for those of you who don’t know me very well, i hate the grocery store. i hate pushing that damn cart around. and i always get the one with the squeaky wheel. and i also hate that no matter how methodical i am going through the aisles, i get to the checkout line and remember that i forgot something important. finally, i hate that i never can find the one crucial thing i am looking for. and i’m not a good enough cook to know what i can use to substitute the crucial item. all in all, martha stewart i am not. if you’re looking for a domestic goddess, you are really shit out of luck if you’re stuck with me.
so. i go to the grocery store. with every other freaking idiot in town. and it’s funny, as everyone is running around frantically buying bread and water and soup. me,on the other hand, i‘m just pushing my stupid squeaky cart with the bum wheel around looking for normal food. i maneuver around all the jackasses and gather my typical microwave meals, turkey sandwich fixings (food of the gods), and yogurt. then i get to the milk section. i normally get the organic milk, not because i’m super health conscious or anything but because it lasts longer than the other kind. but alas, they are all out. all they have left is whole milk and lactose free milk. hmmm. whole milk freaks me out and i have absolutely no idea what lactose free milk tastes like. what to choose, what to choose. i stand there for a good 2 minutes debating, all the while getting shuffled and bumped into by the doomsday sheep. fine. i’ll just pick which one last the longest. ding ding ding, we have a winner. lactose free it is.
p.s. it’s pretty gross stuff. and the lady behind me in the checkout line totally didn’t know about the respect of people’s personal space. and she smelled. gross.
so yesterday was looking like a victory to me. until ‘010 convinced mr bix that it’d be awesome if he threw up 3 times. most dogs give you a little bit of warning before they puke. a few dry heaves and then comes the vomit. not mr bix. one minute you’re chillin with him, gazing into his big beautiful bug eyes. the next…bleh…he’s puked on my prize anthropologie duvet cover. then…bleh…on my grandmother’s stool. finally…bleh…on me. super fun to clean up at 1am.
yesterday was a draw.
‘010 with lactose free milk, grocery shopping, and mr bix’s pyrotechnic tummy X3
me with coming soon to my house u-verse, awesome lunch with dad, and a stocked fridge.
ICE STORM ARMAGEDDON
hey everybody! it’s the first winter storm of ‘010!!! woohoo!
the fun thing about winter storms is waiting at work for them to call it. you get to sit at work, with not a single customer in sight, and count all of the idiots who try to go through the starbucks’ drive through lane. all the while, everyone is waiting on the edge of their seat to get the call from The Big Guy that we get to go home. but first, we get to go to a skeleton crew. which is me (oh the joys of being a manager) and a volunteer (Brimsy, what what! my skeleton crew-member since ’09!). at least we get a cool name like ‘skeleton crew’. makes ya feel all b’dass, like the pirates of the caribbean. maybe next time i’ll get johnny depp as my 2nd crew member (no offenseBrimsy! but johnny is the hottest guy alive, people magazine told me so).
finally The Big Guy calls and we all get to go home. but the awesome thing is that now the little drizzle that was easily maneuvered is now a constant sheet of frozen hell from the sky. and my lil g35 can’t hang with that shit. especially when i need new windshield wiper blades (the right one is now officially dead, may it rest in peace). once home, there is a minute of victory dancing…no work! schooooools out for summer (dun duh duh duh dun duh) schoooooools out for ever (dun duh duh duh dun duh).
cut to me, 5 minutes later. totally freaking bored. out of my mind. to the point where i‘m thinking cleaning might actually be fun. but i’m not martha stewart. or any other domestic goddess. i’m a bachelorette slob with shoes piled at the door and laundry taking over the guest room (clean on the bed, dirty on the floor. hey, at least i have a system.)
S.O.S to KK!!! save me KK! help keep me from cleaning!!!
so KK’s man-friend rescues me and mr bix from cleaning, i stop off at the liquor store which is ALWAYS open during Armageddon in appreciation of them rescuing me. they provide me with food and shelter, i provide us all with the booze ($75 worth, i ain’t playin around).
shrimp scampi has been eaten, movies are being downloaded (whip it! i’ve been told i remind people of drew barrymore *hair toss and self important look* so i always try to catch her movies), and i am catching you all up to date with things while KK puts CohCoh to sleep.
todays victory was pretty close, but i think it goes to me. now keep your fingers crossed that work is cancelled tomorrow…i plan on drinking this bota box wine all night long & if i have to work tomorrow it will be rough
OH!! HOMEWORK PROJECT!!
i am not going to let ‘010 get away with crushing my dream!! a new project must be started, suggestions are welcome…put on your thinking caps kiddos!!